


how soon in sunlight dried the tears

by ectocosme



Category: The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: (sorry jc I love you but the fic asked for you to be bad), Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Trauma, all the fun stuff isn't it, but not overly happy since there's still trauma, i'll see about adding anything, jc is the bad one, please read those tags, work n°40
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-13 15:45:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15367908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ectocosme/pseuds/ectocosme
Summary: Lan Wangji doesn't approve of Wei Wuxian's advances when he has already a relationship. But he will sit with him through the punishment and assure himself Wei Wuxian will copy the rules, as his uncle demanded. If he learns a bit more about Wei Wuxian through his running mouth then it isn't a problem. Isn't it?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ THE FUCKING TAGS!  
> now that it's done you may read

Lan Wangji walked the empty corridors in a controled rythm. The wook under his feet cracked in the silence of the afternoon. Most of the disciples were oustide practicicing with their swords or having after-lessons discussion.

On his path, all the stores had been let down as the wind made them rattle. It exacerbated Lan Wangji growing irritation. Everything had started with one thought about Wei Wuxian and from there his mind had been occupied only by all the recent shameless acts and jokes the young man had done to him.

Lan Wangji turned at an angle only to fall on a disturbing sight. Jiang Cheng was holding Wei Wuxian against the wall, a hand wrapped around his neck, both of their faces hidden to Lan Wangji. Though the young men noticed his presence and quickly drew apart. Jiang Cheng left the place the first one, his expression set on a rictus of displeasure and his eyes glaring in irritation.

“What with this expression, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian called with a laugh in his throat. He skipped around him, arms held in his back and his smile lifting the corner of his mouth but making Lan Wangji uncomfortable. Wei Wuxian's eyes, cast in the dark, had no shine. His voice was too high pitched, meddling with the whistle from the wind. “Young men have needs too. And some prefers other young men. Are you disgusted by me?”

The crude laugh that escaped him before he left let Lan Wangji's cold inside. A gust of wind slipped under his clothes and chilled him to the bone.

●

Wei Wuxian came back to the library pavilion the next day like nothing had happened. He sprawled on the ground doing everything else than copy the rules. But Lan Wangji let him be. If he wanted to be punished again, he'd have only himself to blame.

“I'm bored, Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian moaned, his face pressed on the ground. He rolled on his side and propped up his head on his hand. “Lan Zhan, tell me a story!”

“Copy the rules would occupy you,” Lan Wangji retorted.

“You don't know any story? You're so boring! Lan Zhan, I'm bored,” Wei Wuxian continued to whine and sigh.

Lan Wangji ignored him and as the time passed the other boy quieted down. He looked up once, thinking Wei Wuxian was sound asleep, but the young boy's eyes were open. Open but not seeing. Wei Wuxian's eyes were set on the parquet where there was nothing interesting to look at. They had no life inside them. It was like Wei Wuxian's soul was somewhere else than right there and here in his body like it _should_.

Lan Wangji breathed out – a bit louder than normal – and moved minutely on his seat, making it like he adjusted his position. Wei Wuxian's eyes sprung to life and settled on him.

“Your time is done for today,” he said to the young man.

“I didn't copy the rules yet,” Wei Wuxian said before giggling. “Do you like me to be so lenient with me?”

Lan Wangji purposefully ignored the question and the subsequent laugh from the boy with an edge on it.

 _You? Liking me?_ Seemed to be what Wei Wuxian's laugh had said, but not in a mocking way. Not against Lan Wangji at least.ׂ

●

Wei Wuxian bit his nails. Lan Wangji noticed the state of the young man's nails the first day he saw him; noticed the habit of an unruly young man with too much misdirected energy. Wei Wuxian couldn't _not_ do something with his hands.

He bit them to the blood. He ate the skin around it.

Lan Wangji observed Wei Wuxian – lounged on the ground with his head propped up on his hand – as he himself did his lecture. It was one of the time Wei Wuxian was in-between jokes and shameless words to say. The young man was looking out of the window, biting on his fingers absentmindedly. A few time he made a gurgling sound, capting Lan Wangji's attention to the bleeding fingers that Wei Wuxian sucked in without looking worried.

Lan Wangji had seen disciples biting on their nails because of stressful events. Never did he saw someone going so far as to... _eat_ themselves.

How could someone disregard the integrity of their body like that? The thought made Lan Wangji's sick. Wei Wuxian showed to his body the respect you gave to some farm animals bred for slaughter.

“It's calm in here.”

“It is,” Lan Wangji conceded.

Just like that Wei Wuxian's personality returned to normal and he pouted. “Aw, does no one come because of you? That's mean!” He grinned at him.

“Yes, till I am here. No one enter.”

The words on Wei Wuxian's lips left him, the plastered smile disappeared a second as a thought passed through his mind, his eyes shining with it.

“Aren't you feeling lonely, Lan Zhan-xiong?” Wei Wuxian asked, finding back his high spirit and his love for teasing, his previous sudden loss of words forgotten as he licked a drop of blood from his index. “Don't you want a pretty girl to work with you rather than me?”

“No.” Lan Wangji stated. “Silence.”

●

It was Lan Wangji turn to watch the Cloud Recesses for any disturbance or any kind. The night was exceptionally clear from any clouds and Lan Wangji's eyes lifted to the stars a few times, fascinated by the rare sight.

He noticed a young girl roaming the garden only to wake her up from sleepwalking. The eigh years old was trembling visibly due to the cold and he put his outer robe on her slender shoulders. Lan Wangji accompanied her to the dorms, reassuring her she was not in trouble but needed to see a physician the following day with him so he could explain the problem. She nodded and held onto his hand, getting closer anytime a gust of wind touched them.

“Thank you for taking me back to my dorm, Lan Wangji-xiong,” she said in a murmur, bowing to him.

Lan Wangji nodded and took back his robe. He left as he clothed himself neatly, his attention more on the robe than his surroundings but he was entering the older disciples' area and they had learnt to be quiet if not sleeping. Naturally, his steps took a lighter pace, people were sleeping and he shouldn't be the one disturbing their dreams.

He saw them before he heard them. The door from one of the guest quarter – an individual room unless the younger disciples sharing dorms – was slightly open. It was only a thin interstice but Lan Wangji's saw what was inside – illuminated by a single candle – and meet dark eyes.

“You wouldn't want them all to hear you, Wei Ying?” Jiang Cheng murmured – not low enough for Lan Wangji to miss it – as he thrust inside Wei Wuxian. The other young man's head tossed back under the pleasure, any sounds stifled by the hand pressed on his mouth.

Lan Wangji looked away the second he realised what he saw – he wasn't a voyeur – and continued his patrol.

He was inexperienced, not ignorant.

When his uncle gave him the duties to patrol with a few other's trusted disciples of his age, his Uncle Lan Qiren was honest about what they could encounter and what constituted a disturbance or infraction. If they encountered loud couples – but in their own bedroom – they told them to be quieter and left. Since Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian kept it low, he left them without any remonstrance.

He left and yet his eyes started to sting and his heart thumped hard in his torso. Lan Wangji lifted a hand to his chest and pressed it above his heart. Wei Wuxian's teasing and advances had stunned him at first and Lan Wangji thought them a mockery until it continued. He had started to think Wei Wuxian genuine.

He was badly mistaken. Wei Wuxian had such a relationship with Jiang Cheng and made advances to Lan Wangji shamelessly to play with him.

It hurts.

●

Jiang Cheng was sleeping soundly. Wei Wuxian's fingers grazed his lips as his thoughts stumbled against each other. He looked down at the young man, his possessive arm still around his waist. Rarely did he slept with him. They fucked and he left.

Wei Wuxian still felt the hand pressing on his mouth and nose. For an instant – as his lungs burned – he thought he might die and he felt _relieved_. Then he spotted the clear eyes of Lan Zhan and his blood ran cold.

He hadn't stopped it. Lan Zhan met his eyes and left.

Wei Wuxian's hands started to tremble. He lifted one to his lips and nibbled at the skin around the nail. He bit down and tasted blood.

Why did he think Lan Zhan would help him?

And what if he had? Wei Wuxian would have been kicked out of the Yunmeng sect back to the streets. No, even if it continued, it was for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ye I had this idea since after my last fic but no real plot/story line and then ILLUMINATION
> 
> please comment and tell me how you felt reading this! I really wan't to know.
> 
> ps: summary made as my eeys are closing themselves sorry if it's bad


	2. Chapter 2

“Wei Ying. You're looking at him again.”

Wei Wuxian's eyes left the silhouette clad in white and he shot a smile to Jiang Cheng. The expression he wore made Wei Wuxian's heart miss a beat.

"Do you like him that much?" Jiang Cheng asked, his lips curling downward.

"Alah? I'm only thinking of what kind of prank I can make on him again," Wei Wuxian said, forcing the words through his choked throat. "Making fun of him is the only interesting activity in this boring place."

“Wei Wuxian-xiong is right,” Nie Huaisang added with a giggle. “He obtains really amusing reactions from Lan Wangji-xiong!”

Jiang Cheng's anger curled down, making Wei Wuxian breath easier. He caught Lan Wangji's silhouette from the corner of his eyes but purposefully let them fall on his hand. He lifted it to his lips and nibbled on the skin there.

“Stop that,” Jiang Cheng snapped.

Wei Wuxian obeyed.

●

The alcohol made his mind fuzzy. In front of him, the other young men giggled and fumbled on themselves. They held each other in their drunken walk back home. Wei Wuxian seemed perfectly in control of himself – the alcohol affecting nothing in him or only barely. He played it well. Alcohol made his skin prickle and less sensitive, his thoughts were too muddle for them to linger on negative events. Better yet, if he drank enough he forgot about the night.

He hated the taste and the headache the day after. He hated, hated it. Alcohol was his best ally. The only one. And he hated it.

The curfew hadn't been announced yet. The white-clad disciples let them in and Jiang Cheng pulled him into his bedroom. Wei Wuxian knew the young man was angry since the morning and his question 'do you like him?'. Jiang Cheng read him too easily and didn't take it well that his thoughts were on another man.

“You're mine,” Jiang Cheng snarled as he pushed him down harshly on the bed.

“I am,” Wei Wuxian said, his voice hollow but the words flowing easily with the help of alcohol. He winced when Jiang Cheng bite him hard high enough on his neck for it to be partially visible the following days. “Oh, stop. I don't want it tonight.”

Sometimes, Jiang Cheng would stop. Not today. But it didn't stop Wei Wuxian from trying again and again in the hope to get out of the chore. At least, tonight Jiang Cheng wanted Wei Wuxian on his knees. It was easier like that. No kissing. Sometimes, he thought about someone else behind him.

He almost dozed off as Jiang Cheng prepped him. He always did it now. Better that than the first few times. But they had happened in anger.

They went with it. Wei Wuxian's mind cuns away from the present. He looked up at his hand at a moment and distantly felt the sting of open wounds like he distantly felt himself being stretched open then thrust inside. At least his body hid the fact he wasn't into it. He was hot and bothered, his mouth letting out moans and his cock dripping.

 _What a good and obedient body saving the life of an owner who doesn't care_ , he thought to himself.

"You like when I gift you things, isn't it?" Jiang Cheng whispered, his breath tingling Wei Wuxian's ear. "You're so pliant when I do so."

Wei Wuxian hummed even though it was the alcohol more than the gift of alcohol that made him so docile. Right now, his mind waved like he was on a boat pitching from right to left. The movement tended to make Wei Wuxian sleepy. He liked to meditate on a boat in the middle of the Lotus Pier.

●

Wei Wuxian trotted through the Cloud Recesses to get to the library pavilion. He knew he couldn't run but managed to make a few juniors and same-generation disciples hesitate on punishing him because he wasn't running per se but trotting. He chuckled to himself and opened the room he shared with Lan Wangji.

The young man was there. He didn't lift his head as he finished his calligraphy – his focus still as impressive. Wei Wuxian stood in the entryway as he swallowed in the sight. Lan Wangji stood with his back straight and his hand adroit as he wrote beautiful letters. Long eyelashes cast delicate shadows on his cheeks and a few hairs had escaped his tied hair to graze his neck.

It wasn't the kind of person Wei Wuxian's heart could settle on. And certainly not a person whose heart would choose Wei Wuxian.

“Sit down.”

Wei Wuxian snorted, “Yes, professor Lan Wangji.”

The other young man lifted his eyes a second and sent him a cold look before returning to his work. Wei Wuxian sat on the ground and took some paper he put down too then worked quickly on his next prank.

And what a prank! Lan Wangji ended up shouting and even blushing. Wei Wuxian ran off laughing manically – having made the other lost his control as he wanted – and kept all his abandoned portraits. He burnt them all in silence, giving them all his focus like it could burn in his memory the strokes forming Lan Wangji's face, but hesitated on the last one with a facing Lan Zhan smiling minutely. It showed Wei Wuxian's feelings to well for him to hand it to Lan Zhan.

The paper trembled because of his own hand. He should burn it too and only keep the memories of Lan Zhan's expression and the feel of his hair and his ribbon under Wei Wuxian's fingers but would they stay? Jiang Cheng wanted to go to town eat something palatable again and Wei Wuxian would definitely take the opportunity to drink and forget the night.

Should he not drink?

Wei Wuxian snorted. He couldn't stop himself. Now, each time saw a jar of wine his hand extended to it before he realised it. His ally was a bad influence too that Wei Wuxian prefered to Jiang Cheng.

He kept the portrait and nestled it under a flowers vase that Jiang Cheng wouldn't touch.

●

Near where Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen shared a tea a group of the guests' disciples talked with animation. Lan Wangji stared at Wei Wuxian as he moved his arms to emphasise the story he was telling the other disciples. Even if he wasn't still out of the relationship, the meaning of the last day remained. Wei Wuxian had touched his ribbon and nothing happened to him. No burn nor electricity.

Lan Wangji had feelings and his ribbon had laid it all out for Wei Wuxian. But the young man didn't care as he had his own relationship. It must have amused him even.

“Tell me if it's me but Wei Wuxian seems hurt,” Lan Xichen stated. “He doesn't move his legs at all, only his arms.”

Startled awake from his daydreaming about Wei Wuxian's face, Lan Wangji took notice of the way he moved. He nodded at his brother's words, confirming them. In the group, it didn't catch the attention of his comrades. It was Nie Huaisang – without an once of observational skills – and others young cultivators who weren't in the top like Wei Wuxian's normal entourage of Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan.

“Maybe I should tell him he can go see the physician?” Lan Xichen asked himself out loud before a coy smile lifted his lips. “Maybe you should.”

Lan Wangji huffed and his eyes left Wei Wuxian's silhouette.

“It's time for class,” he said and left Lan Xichen.

“Don't forget to tell him!” his brother called after him.

●

During class, Wei Wuxian would move every ten seconds maximum. He seemed to be incapable of staying still for longer and it irritated a few of the Gusulan sect's disciples until they became familiar with it. It wasn't like Wei Wuxian was talking and the disciples in white learnt to ignore distraction pretty early on.

Lan Qiren himself allowed it or at least didn't outwardly told him to stop as he found it less annoying than being interrupted or talked over.

Wei Wuxian tapped the wood with his fingers, made his knees move up and down, twirled his hair around his fingers – bit them as soon as the fingernails were near his face – and hummed a lot. Lan Wangji prefered when he hummed. He liked the sound of his voice though it ended up distracting him from the lesson.

Today though, he was in a high mood and his humming got to the point where he started singing under his breath, balancing from one side to the other like he wasn't in a classroom.

“Stop it, Wei Ying,” Jiang Cheng snapped, obviously interested in the topic.

As if it had been the words of a god, Wei Wuxian stopped everything. He sat cross-legged, holding his shins, but stared straight ahead. This proof of the young man wanting to please Jiang Cheng made Lan Wangji sigh in despair. He focused back on his uncle.

Yet his eyes couldn't stray away too long from Wei Wuxian. He eyed him. Wei Wuxian wasn't paying attention as always though his eyes were half-lidded and set on the corner of his table for a moment then his obsidian eyes travelled around the classroom in a leisurely manner. He blinked rarely.

Lan Wangji's heart went mad like a playing rabbit when those eyes settled on him. He held his gaze. And he shuddered. Wei Wuxian stared in his direction. Not at him. Lan Wangji struggled against the urge to shake awake Wei Wuxian, put some more recognition and life in those splendid eyes. For once he looked away, not out of embarrassment but of unease.

At the end of the lesson, Jiang Cheng shook Wei Wuxian's shoulder almost making the younger one jump out of fright. Wei Wuxian stared at second at Jiang Cheng before the other forced him up and left the classroom.

Lan Wangji frowned; he couldn't shake away the thought that something was deeply wrong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the 6 chapters are a prediction. I'm not so good as to guess how many chapters this thing will be. It keep growing out of control like all my other fics xD
> 
> hope this chapter pleased you thirsty-for-angst hearts!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> non-con scene start with this symbol ︾ (so you can avoid it) and finish there ︽

The end of the afternoon was still comfortably warm. Wei Wuxian laid on the ground, his cheek cushioned on Jiang Cheng's thigh who had his hand on Wei Wuxian's shoulder, his thumb moving in a slow caress. Wei Wuxian could have melted in cosy pleasure.

After a quick bath to get rid of some grim and resentful energy from the ghoul, they'd sat outside on the tiles under the sun. The other boys from the water abyss incident had stayed to be assured Wei Wuxian was fine but not too long.

Wei Wuxian had joked with them and played the strong part of the events with them but now he enjoyed being cuddled. Jiang Cheng had been increasingly tactile as the other boys left. Now only stayed Nie Huaisang and Jing Zixuan and Jiang Cheng who was carding a hand through Wei Wuxian's hair. He was dozing off when he felt a little of Jiang Cheng Qi being transmitted.

"I'm fine," Wei Wuxian mumbled, grabbing the other's hand. "Don't tire yourself for me."

"Just let me do that for you, will you?" Jiang Cheng said gruffly. "It's my role to take care of you since you're younger."

The transmitted Qi did help after his encounter with the ghoul and the fact he overexerted himself trying to save the life of this other Gusulan kid. It just felt like too much an help for something so trivial.

“Jiang Cheng is always giving so much,” he said before yawning. “There's a heart behind this frowny face.”

Nie Huaisang huffed in amusement and the conversation started again. Though, the two other boys left quickly. Jiang Cheng immediately leaned above Wei Wuxian, trapping him in an embrace.

“I thought I was too late. That I'd lose you to this stupid incident.”

Wei Wuxian wiggled so he could drap his arms around Jiang Cheng's shoulders. Enjoying the act of affections he was showered in for nothing.

“I wouldn't leave you like that.”

"No you wouldn't leave me, isn't it? I forbade you after all."

Jiang Cheng drew back, his hand caressing Wei Wuxian's cheek. He smiled, his whole face lighting up at the action, then kissed him with force, expressing the intense worry and embedding his care into Wei Wuxian's body by bruising his lips.

He hummed into the kiss, there it was the Jiang Cheng he fell in love with.

●

Wei Wuxian practised his swords movements with the other disciples – having finally convinced a few Gusulan ones to join them. He glowed under their quiet praise as they were not habituated to the Yunmengjiang's martial art.

“You're very deft young master Wei,” one said with a smile Wei Wuxian would have loved on Lan Wangji.

"Yes, he is," Jiang Cheng commented from the branch he was reading on. He smiled in praise at Wei Wuxian who felt his heart expand in happiness under the appraisal.

"Ah ah, it's only because Jiang Cheng practised a lot with me!" he said, feeling giddy.

"Though, your footsteps was out of rhythm," Jiang Cheng added. "Do it again, Wei Ying. You wouldn't want father to feel ashamed of you, isn't it?"

Wei Wuxian tried to recall his last movements and frowned. Did he? He felt like it had been perfect and it awed the Gusulan sect's disciples. But maybe? He bit on his fingernails before the wrong step shot to his mind. Wei Wuxian obeyed and did the work again.

This time he remarked Lan Wangji's eyes and did his best.

︾ 

“Did you try to impress him?” Jiang Cheng asked as he pulled Wei Wuxian far from the court where he had been showing his skills.

“Who?” Wei Wuxian asked just as his mind created the thought of Lan Wangji standing under the awning of a building, a silent silhouette with calm energy staring at him intently.

Jiang Cheng's hold on his shoulder hardened, his hand on Wei Wuxian's shoulder trailed to the side of his neck and pressed. Wei Wuxian didn't say anything to the painful pinch and lifted innocent eyes to Jiang Cheng.

“I was impressing all those boring disciples. You'd think they never used their swords for real combat.”

From Jiang Cheng curling mouth into a grimace, Wei Wuxian knew he had answered wrong. He caught his breath and his shoulders tensed as his heartbeat increased. What should he say? He didn't want his brother angry because of one of his mistakes. Ah! He was such an idiot! Jiang Cheng had been praising him, being sweet and content and because he wasn't good he'd angered his brother.

“Why would you want to impress them? To make me jealous? That's what you want?” Jiang Cheng spat out without giving him the time to answer any of his questions. He pressed on Wei Wuxian's neck to make him lift his head. “Is that what you want, Wei Ying?”

“I'm sorry,” he whispered, his hand curling around Jiang Cheng's but not tugging on it. Struggling would make it worse now that his brother was angry. “I didn't want you to feel bad.”

"You're always doing it. Teasing other so I'd be angry." He lowered his face so he was breathing on Wei Wuxian's face and invaded his vision. Hand around Wei Wuxian's neck he pushed him until his back hit a wall. The sun hit Wei Wuxian directly, making his eyes water, and only stairs hide them on one side and bush of camellias on the other.

“We're outside, Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian said. “We could be seen. Let's do it inside.”

"You're bringing that on yourself. Kneel," Jiang Cheng answered, forcing him to his knees by pressing on his neck and an acupressure point that made Wei Wuxian's whole shoulder tingle in cold pain. "Do what your best at."

Wei Wuxian obeyed. It had been his fault by not thinking that his actions might anger his brother. He was an idiot.

But, maybe Jiang Cheng wouldn't shout at him and hurt him if he did it right. He undid Jiang Cheng's waistband and took out his already hard cock. With a beating heart, he worked on taking Jiang Cheng to a shattering bliss so his orgasm would mellow him. Though, his eyes darted to the sides a few times, worried that someone would catch them.

Jiang Cheng came into his mouth, he panted above him, but extended a hand to clutch on Wei Wuxian's chin, “Swallow.”

The bitter taste made Wei Wuxian want to gag, but he did. Jiang Cheng forced him back to his feet, trapping him against the wall with his body.

“Obey me and stop trying to anger me or one day I'll snap and send you back to the streets,” Jiang Cheng said lowly, between clenched teeth as his fingers dug into Wei Wuxian's chin. “You're good at oral, but you won't enjoy blowing strangers like you do me and they wouldn't go easy on you. They wouldn't care about you like I do because _I_ love you. You know that.”

Wei Wuxian let his eyes fall on his feet, "Yes."

︽

A faint wind raised the stores a few cuns and the cold made Lan Wangji shudder. Wei Wuxian was talking about one of his night-hunt with the Yunmengjiang sect – other disciples and this older sister he seemed so fond of – but only made a comment in passing about Jiang Cheng – apparently saving Wei Wuxian from his own inability showing at the last minute. Lan Wangji ignored this comment embellishing Jiang Cheng for nothing, feeling that it was the words of a lover wanting to praise their other half. Lan Wangji couldn't help himself and imagined having been there, observing Wei Wuxian's fests and stopping Jiang Cheng from stealing the spotlight. He didn't like how Wei Wuxian seemed to voluntarily stay one step behind the other young man.

Wei Wuxian should shine to all as he did in front of Lan Wangji.

“You're looking at me so intently,” Wei Wuxian said suddenly cutting short his story as his lips curled upward. “Do you want to kiss me?”

Lan Wangji didn't answer out loud but his whole body got warmer as a way to say it. Yes. Though his upbringing forbade him from telling Wei Wuxian the effect he had on him. He froze when the young man lifted himself up. He put his hands on the edge of the table, his outer robe – black and longer than others he had – fell on his shoulders nicely and wasn't closed. Even though it was open on clothe Lan Wangji's mind conjured the idle thought of Wei Wuxian being only dressed in this open robe. Wei Wuxian's eyes didn't leave his face, on his lips were a languid smile.

Wei Wuxian leaned closer, his hands ending in the middle of the table to keep him stable, and his breathe fell on Lan Wangji's lips. Inside his chest, Lan Wangji's heart went mad – thumping against his ribs with enough force to bruises them – yet the excitation made it enjoyable rather than painful. Lan Wangji found no part of him who wanted to back away. Even if he should.

“Aren't you stopping me?” Wei Wuxian asked in a whisper.

The seconds ticked by and Lan Wangji waited with bated breath and then Wei Wuxian closed the gap between them and kissed him, soft and perfect. Lan Wangji's eyes shut close and his tension went away.

Drawing back, Wei Wuxian murmured against his lips, wonder in his voice, “This is so different.”

Lan Wangji followed after those lips, drunk of his presence, “Wei Ying.”

The young man shot back like he had been just slapped. On his face his eyes opened wide, his absent breathing wrote his panic in plain sight, “Don't call me that!”

The visceral shout startled Lan Wangji and he couldn't react in time to stop Wei Wuxian from hopping out of the window like a runaway. He stared at his retreating back before lifting his hand to his lower face, hiding the unsightly smile growing on his lips and his hot cheeks.

Later, when his heart calmed, he realised how strange Wei Wuxian's behaviour had been.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't be afraid to leave your thoughts in the comments! I'll love it! even if you curse me for hurting the characters :D  
> hope you enjoyed


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well hello there~  
> just to warn you that after ︾ you have a rape scene so you can avoid it  
> since it's a big chunk you can ask in the comments what happened in the big lines (maybe i should resume it at the end? idk)

For the first time in years, Lan Wangji turned in his bed for hours chasing sleep but never finding it. He rose from his bed having the sensation of having slept only minutes and his mood as low as his energy. Meditation helped him a bit, but his thoughts came back to Wei Wuxian's absent eyes quite a few times and his kiss all the other time. 

Lan Wangji was glad for the tea he shared in the morning – after their meal and before class – with his older brother. The young man knew how to calm him or at least distract him from his thoughts. Lan Xichen read him so easily it was both a curse and a benediction.

Over the past few weeks, he saw Wei Wuxian and the group of boys walk to the classroom from this spot. He hesitated, still unsure how someone in a relationship could make advances to him yet still cling to his lover. La Wangji hesitated. If Lan Xichen knew how to read people – having learnt from the difficult case of reading him – Lan Wangji had his own kind of gift. If he focused enough, he could see the auras from the Qi's person. 

It was something he rarely did outside of a fight where it permitted him to predict the moves of opponents or allies and act in accordance. Outside of such an event, he did not use it as he felt it was invading in a person's privacy. 

Except he really wanted to see how Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng's Qi melded. The curiosity was too strong and he lowered his eyelids as he entered a trance. Wei Wuxian's Qi startled him. It was a dark red approaching the brown from dried blood and it expanded around him in spikes and bumps. In such a state Qi deviation would happen soon. Maybe Wei Wuxian's shameless was a result of his advancing madness that the deteriorated Qi's path must have thrust upon him.

“Wangji?” Lan Xichen called as Lan Wangji's blood ran cold. “What it is?”

He looked at Wei Wuxian and the other boys too and frowned, searching for something he couldn't see for once.

And then Jiang Cheng came. From talking with Jin Zixuan in the back, he got closer to Wei Wuxian to drap an arm around his shoulders. Wei Wuxian did the same in a natural way, yet his Qi went mad; it huddled in Wei Wuxian's right side – far from Jiang Cheng – then came back to the left side but slowed down from the normal flux of Qi and covered his side like a thin coat of oil. It looked like a shield.

"Wangji?" his brother called anew, his voice carrying more worry. "You're looking at his aura, isn't it? What do you see? It's not good I can infer that."

“I-” Lan Wangji started, his mouth suddenly dry. “I do not know.”

Such reaction from the Qi either meant Wei Wuxian was purposefully controlling it or that his emotions were strong enough to bend the natural movements. Either way, Wei Wuxian was trying to protect himself from Jiang Cheng.

And Jiang Cheng? He noticed nothing of Wei Wuxian's trouble.

“I do not know,” Lan Wangji repeated in shock.

●

Wei Wuxian's habit to bite his nails were one of the signs of his Qi dysregulation Lan Wangji realised after that. He took his dispositions and then went to the library pavilion in the same room he always used that almost became his personal study room even though it should be public.

Wei Wuxian joined him a few seconds after he sat down. At first, he always had been late, but as the time passed he came sooner. Lan Wangji couldn't help take a look at his Qi again. He sighed in relief when he saw a natural flow even though the colour was unhealthy.

"You're looking at me again," Wei Wuxian said, his head propped up on his chin and his elbow on the table. "Do you want me to kiss you again?"

The aura was crossed by a wave – fear? Excitation? It was hard to say – and took an instant a crimson colour. It was assuredly Wei Wuxian original aura's hue.

“Your hand,” Lan Wangji asked.

"You want my hand in marriage so soon?" the other said a laugh on the tip of his lips.

Lan Wangji extended his hand and waited patiently. Wei Wuxian stared at it curiously before giving Lan Wangji his right hand. The young man took a second to appreciate the warmth radiating from it then dipped his fingers from his free hand into the onguent he had asked the physician. Lan Wangji applied it to Wei Wuxian's tip of fingers and the other tried to take back his hand though Lan Wangji expected it and managed to keep his hold.

“What is this? Onguen? Alah, Lan Zhan, it's useless! Don't use your medicines for that. I can't manage to stop myself and tomorrow what you healed will be back in the initial state,” he said. “Don't use your medicine for such a trivial matter. I'm fine with it.”

"Shush," Lan Wangji ordered, his eyes focused on all the tiny wounds inflicted on Wei Wuxian's hand. "Why are you hurting yourself?" he couldn't help himself mumble. "Why doesn't Jiang Cheng worry for you?"

Wei Wuxian didn't answer and Lan Wangji didn't push him to answer. The relationship between the two seemed to be less evident than he had thought at first. So, carefully, his own fingers coated Wei Wuxian's hand in medicine, the strong odour of herbs filling the pavilion library. Lan Wangji worked a few minutes, passing again on places where he had already massaged some medicine in so it had double the dose and healed quicker.

A few times he lifted his eyes to Wei Wuxian's face. The young man had a strange mixture of wonder and fear written all over it.

“Do you want to leave Jiang Cheng?”

“What?” Wei Wuxian gurgled out his answer. His eyes meet Lan Wangji with a nervous energy, shifting away and coming back to him a few times. “He- he has other things to worry about than me having this habit. Why would I leave him for that? I can't leave him. Where would I go otherwise?”

Lan Wangji paused in his healing, humming a noncommittal answer before his eyes caught a purple hue at the edge of Wei Wuxian's sleeve. He continued his ministration on the hand, before going further up on the arm without hurrying. He pushed up the sleeve without Wei Wuxian finding it weird. Except Lan Wangji's breath caught in his throat at the clear marks of bonds having provoked hematomas.

Wei Wuxian pulled harshly and took back his hand that he held to his chest. They stared at each other in tense silence for a moment.

"We- get rough sometimes," Wei Wuxian said in a bland voice.

He left before Lan Wangji could offer him to heal his second hand.

︾ 

︾ 

Leaving the Cloud Recesses to hide in a part of the forest – not the town in his state of mind he'd have abused alcohol until death – Wei Wuxian came back in the dead of the night. The disciple in charge of the surveillance for the night wasn't the all-seeing Lan Wangji and so Wei Wuxian had no trouble to sneak in and walk to his bedroom.

He paused just outside the light under the door making his heart go faster but he opened like his body wasn't anticipating the worst. He smiled widely and waved at Jiang Cheng sitting in the middle of the room, his head pressed against his closed fist. The glare he sent Wei Wuxian made his heart drop to his knees and then, at Wei Wuxian's horror, Jiang Cheng waved a paper in his hands.

"You're an artist, it's pretty accurate. Except for the smile," Jiang Cheng said in an icy tone as he looked at the portrait in his hand. "Do you think he could smile at you like that? You're only a whore and he's one of the twin jade of the Gusulan sect. You'd think he'd have standards."

Wei Wuxian's whole body seized up at the tone and dark glimmer in Jiang Cheng's eyes. It was bad. Whatever Jiang Cheng would do now would leave marks. But those – if Lan Wangji saw them – would make him sad.

Jiang Cheng stood up, using a spell to make the paper burn in his hand, "You don't have anything to say?"

Glancing from the falling ashes to Jiang Cheng's face, Wei Wuxian stopped being frozen in fear. He ran. Except Jiang Cheng cut his path and caught him by the waist, lifting him easily. The other pushed him against a wall. Wei Wuxian struggled as his chest pressed on the wood and Jiang Cheng behind him.

“You're always lying to me and thinking you can get away with it,” Jiang Cheng snarled. “Do you love him?”

"I don't love anyone!" Wei Wuxian exclaimed, his heart beating so fast he heard only it's mad thrumming in his ears.

“Not even me?”

Wei Wuxian choked up on nothing, feeling faint and his mind racing to find a correct answer.

"I- I... Jiang Cheng, we're in the Gusulan sect, behave. They host the White Chrysanthemum pav-" 

"It doesn't exist you idiot," Jiang Cheng hissed. "It's a lie the sects tell to their disciples so the young girls don't defile the sect with their stories about rape. But we know what the sect do with them. Maybe I should treat you like those silly girls believing in bedtime stories." 

Wei Wuxian bit on his lip – not enough to draw blood – as Jiang Cheng confirmed his underlying thought about this rumour. Though, he elbowed the other in his stomach and bolted, not bothering at all that running was forbidden in the Cloud Recesses. Maybe he'd get caught and any punishment would be better than whatever Jiang Cheng could do in a fit of rage. Wei Wuxian ran and his mindless flight made him go toward the library pavilion. Except Jiang Cheng caught up to him. He tackled him to the ground, sitting on his hips and forcing his head on the wet ground.

“Stop running,” Jiang Cheng spat. “Do you think I'll be lenient if you run? Are you stupid?”

“Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian called in a trembling voice. “We're-”

"Outside?" Jiang Cheng's lip curled upward, his voice low and sombre. "Then I'll punish you in the library pavilion."

Wei Wuxian's blood froze in his veins. He struggled harder against his brother but, trembling too much, he couldn't get out of the hold on his wrists.

“Jiang Cheng,” he pleaded as the other opened the camellia's room. “Stop-”

A hand pressed on the back of his neck and the other on his mouth.

"Don't talk anymore, only lies leave your mouth. Only lies." He bodily pushed Wei Wuxian inside the Camellia room. Wei Wuxian's back hit the parquet shooting pain in his spine. He rolled on his stomach to get up quickly but ended kicked down again. "It's a place for punishments. So let's punish you."

He turned Wei Wuxian on his back – his face illuminated only by moon casting harsh shadows on his face – and tried to pin him down. Wei Wuxian knew he was worsening his case by struggling but he couldn't imagine defiling the place by fucking here. It was wrong. The room was of peace and contemplation. Even if Wei Wuxian joked and teased Lan Wangji's here the atmosphere never changed but if... if...

"Not here!" Wei Wuxian shouted, getting out from under Jiang Cheng by kicking him in the lower stomach, too near of his groin. He crawled on the ground to get away and clutched the table to help himself up. With a hit on the back of his neck, his chin hit the wood. Under the strength, he bit his lips to the blood and didn't react in time when Jiang Cheng tugged on the knot of his waistband.

“Why doing that, A-Cheng? Why are you hurting me?”

The hand on the back of his neck pressing him to the table clutched harder and brought tears to Wei Wuxian. He sniffled, tasting the blood from his busted lip.

“Because you need to learn to stop angering me. I'm doing that for you. Today I'll show you how I could be if I didn't control myself when you openly lie to me and make me lose my face. ”

“Not here!” Wei Wuxian begged as he managed to roll on his side then on his back.

"Why? Because you like the place? Doing it here you'll recall me inside you each time you sit in front of Lan Wangji."

Jiang Cheng leaned down but Wei Wuxian's arm blocked him. The other abandoned his neck to open the knot. Wei Wuxian struggled to stop him, trying to get away even if he was trapped against the table. Yet Jiang Cheng had hit him hard enough to make his brain fuzzy and his hands tremble even more than under fright. He tugged on Wei Wuxian's pant to pool them around his knees.

“If you don't stop I'll scream!”

Jiang Cheng's hand sprung to wrap around his throat. He leaned toward him but Wei Wuxian's arm stopped him from kissing or even biting his neck as he liked, “And then what? They'll all know.” His tone became mocking. “Do you want your Lan Wangji to know?”

Wei Wuxian physically felt sick at the idea, he nearly threw up right there and then. As he got distracted at the idea, Jiang Cheng took advantage and grabbed Wei Wuxian's forearm, the only thing keeping Jiang Cheng at a relative distance from his face then twisted it, forcing Wei Wuxian to go on his side to alleviate the pressure.

“Unhand me!” Wei Wuxian spat as he found back in his soul his will to defend himself. Everywhere but not here, not in the place, he shared with Lan Wangji.

Jiang Cheng pressed his other hand on Wei Wuxian's head, pinning it on the table, “Such high spirits tonight, but will you really scream?”

Wei Wuxian's snarl got caught in his throat when Jiang Cheng penetrated him roughly. He gasped at the burning pain that exploded under his eyes when Jiang Cheng drew back and slammed back into him. The fingers of his free hand curled, scraping deeply into the wood of the table, breaking his nails. It hurt far less than his backside.

"A-Cheng, stop," he whimpered, tears freely falling and his bottom soaked by something warm that he knew wasn't some semen. "It hurt. It hurt. I'm sorry, please."

“Serve you right,” the other answered without any compassion thrusting into the helpless Wei Wuxian sobbing to himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are 23 following! :p  
> Don't be afraid to leave your thoughts. Even if it's to say i'm evil and hurt you. Sorry ~~not sorry~~


	5. Chapter 5

Wei Wuxian didn't find any strength in him to leave the pavilion right after the event. Out of breath, he clung to the table his vision swimming as his whole body hurt. He barely heard Jiang Cheng make his way to the door but thoroughly apologised when the other came back on his steps and lifted his chin. The other sniffled in disgust.

“Clean yourself before going back to your room.”

Barely finding air in his lungs, Wei Wuxian promised to obey, a few words of apology on his lips. And then he was alone in the dark and silent room. He thought about leaving the moment he found back his breath and stopped to start sobbing silently. But the moment he calmed down a wrong exhales and he was suddenly breaking down again in a pathetic weeping mess.

Though, as the time passed he lost all kind of energy and found himself half sprawled on the table, clinging to it as the whole room spun around and his body seemed to follow the movement. He couldn't focus or think or move and stayed there, staring straight ahead but seeing only shapes and forms.

At a moment he noticed the broken nails in his right hand. The hand Lan Wangji healed, taking care of it with patience, was bloodied. The healing had done nothing.

The course of the sun worried a far, far away part of his mind. He repeated himself he should get up since the first ray of light yet control over his own body seemed to slip between his fingers. Worst, he blinked and time went by.

 _You need to move_ , he scolded himself, a deep fear weighing on his stomach. _Move, move, movemovemove-_

“Wei Wuxian?”

●

At Lan Wangji's surprise, the entry of the pavilion library was slightly ajar. He wondered if another disciple had woken up early and went to read in the calm of the library. Yet he heard no sounds from someone flipping the pages of a book.

He went to the camellia's room tiptoeing. The silence foretold someone sneaking on him for a prank. A someone Lan Wangji had a perfect idea to be. His heart went faster, ready to bolt of any kind of shameless "attack" Wei Wuxian would make. The door of the room wasn't closed either. From the interstice he saw the other young man immobile, waiting for him as he hummed under his breath, his unruly hair spilling on his shoulders without being tied up.

Carefully he opened the door so I'd made no sounds. If Wei Wuxian wanted to sneak up on him then Lan Wangji was going to show him how it was properly done. Yet, he froze in the entryway. Wei Wuxian's torso laid on the table, his cheek on it and facing the wall to the side. The light coloured pant he wore pooled around his knees, leaving his thighs bare if not for his outer robe hiding them and his bottom but didn't hide all of the teasing skin offered. The robe, nonchalantly tied, showed one of Wei Wuxian's shoulder and it's sunlight kissed skin.

An instant a deep anger took Lan Wangji at the “prank” but it left him as a gust of wind – leaving him cold inside – as all the clues added up.

Wei Wuxian didn't even look at him. He kept on humming like Lan Wangji's presence didn't exist and this wall entranced the young man.

“Wei Wuxian.”

The other startled covered his head with his arm and cried, "I'm sorry I said!"

Lan Wangji's mouth became dry, he closed the gap between them but froze when Wei Wuxian looked up. The both of them stared at each other in silence for a moment. Lan Wangji noticed the dried blood on the young man's lip and his blueish chin. Wei Wuxian's eyes got huge with shock.

Wei Wuxian pulled his pant to his waist, trying to say something but his words stumbling against each other, “I did-... Lan- … You.”

"I-..." Lan Wangji found himself at lost of words too in front of Wei Wuxian's state. He crouched down just as Wei Wuxian stood up, except his legs gave up under him. Lan Wangji caught his forearms, stopping him from falling down. On his knees, Wei Wuxian pulled on his arms while being silent and trembling from head to toes. "Wei Wuxian, what did-"

“Nothing! Nothing was- let go! Let go of me,” the other roared with an anger came from fear.

Wei Wuxian managed to get up, still pulling back on his arms. He had managed to tie back his pant but it hung low on his waist while his robe was still open on his waist. Lan Wangji held both of his wrists in his hands and pulled him to his chest. He clung to Wei Wuxian's wrists, hugging his arms, and lowered his head to him.

“Did Jiang Cheng do that to you?”

Wei Wuxian was looking away at a point away from Lan Wangji's face.

“Shut up! Let me go! Now. Nothing happened.”

“Lie.”

Wei Wuxian bit on his lip with enough force to reopen the wound there. Lan Wangji frowned but didn't let go of the young man's wrists. If he was not prudent, Wei Wuxian would leave before he could help him.

The other sighed and his tense shoulders slumped, his struggle against Lan Wangji's hold disappeared. Even if he looked done fighting, Lan Wangji kept his hold steady – strong enough to keep Wei Wuxian there but not enough to bruise.

"Don't say anything," the younger whispered, his eyes lost on the side of their feet, tears streak on his cheeks and strand of hair stuck to them.

"What he did to you is wrong," Lan Wangji claimed. It felt silly to say it, but sadly, the Cloud Recesses was a place where lower cultivational sect liked to send cultivators wronged in such a manner. Or where abused cultivator found a place to hide from their spouse _and_ sect.

The peace emanating from the well thought out layout of the Cloud Recesses helped them find back some stability. A house had been arranged away from the main places and – except for the physician – men were not allowed. It had been a struggle when the first males cultivators having being traumatised in a sexual manner showed up too. But the abused females seemed to have enough compassion to let them share a bedroom in the back of the house before another building was put up.

It wasn't a secret even though the Gusulan sect's never acknowledged it officially to keep safe the one that came to them for safety against their own family or cultivational sect.

"I can help you," Lan Wangji said, moving one of his hand so it held onto Wei Wuxian's, their fingers interlaced.

“Don't say anything,” Wei Wuxian repeated.

“Wei-”

“And what if you did? Uh?” he shouted, finding back his anger. The burning fierceness into Wei Wuxian's eyes startled Lan Wangji. “What if you tell everyone? I'll be kicked out of the sect! I won't have Jiang Cheng anymore!”

“What he did was wrong,” Lan Wangji repeated stupidly.

"He did! No, I- … it's fine. I de-deserved it. Don't say to anyone."

“We can help you. Uncle will-”

"No!" Wei Wuxian shouted. "No! No! I'll lie. It'll be you against me and Jiang Cheng."

Lan Wangji found himself struck mute by the reaction. And then, he recalled.

He rarely approached the White Chrysanthemums pavilion and even more rarely entered it, but he had to help the physician when his disciple – a young woman – had to take care of herself for an illness. His control and calm had been well appreciated. From those few instances, he learnt that oftentimes – and without him understanding why – the bond between abuser and victim was so strong leaving was impossible without carefully undoing it or a life or death event forcing them away.

Lan Wangji was the only one to know for Wei Wuxian and the only one capable of helping him.

“I promise.”

If he told everything to someone else, Wei Wuxian would lie without forgetting that Jiang Cheng was the son of the Yunmengjiang sect leader. Lan Wangji would put the Gusulan sect into a bad position. It saddened him, but he had to be careful about how he helped Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian was staring at him with eyes huge and his mouth slack in surprise, “What?”

“I promise not to tell anyone about you if you promise to come to me if you need help.”

Only silence answered him for a long time. Wei Wuxian's eyes filled with tears and Lan Wangji lets go of his wrist but kept his hand, their fingers closely linked. With a handkerchief, he wiped away the few tears.

“Fine. I promise.”

Lan Wangji nodded, relieved, and let his thumb caress Wei Wuxian's back of the hand. He wasn't brave enough to try to hug him and anyway didn't think that Wei Wuxian would take kindly to being entrapped. The young man in front of him balanced from his right foot to his left without meeting Lan Wangji's eyes.

“Stay here. I'll bring back something for you to clean off.”

Lan Wangji had to struggle against himself to let go of Wei Wuxian's hand. The young man kept on nodding and lifted his freed hand to his lips, staring at nothing again. Watching him like this was painful, but Lan Wangji left. As he went to fetch a bucket of water and clothes left from other disciples during the years his heart kept on beating so hard he felt nauseous. He half-expected Wei Wuxian to have gone when he came back.

But the young man was huddled in a corner, holding onto his head and sobbed silently.

Lan Wangji put down  under Wei Wuxian eyes the bucket of water he had taken, a clean towel and clothes from some servants that would go unnoticed. The other sniffled and wiped his eyes a few times.

“What are you doing?”

Lan Wangji pulled in a thin curtain.

“You can clean up.”

He observed the other a moment then went behind, returning to the table and his lessons. Although he hadn't his mind to it. A few times he looked up and saw the silhouette of the young man. Lan Wangji was conflicted. On one hand a visceral emotion asked him to tell the truth to the competent authorities, keep the boy away from harm, but on the other hand, he had promised Wei Wuxian.

“You won't say it to anyone?” came Wei Wuxian's voice from behind the screen.

“I won't.” Lan Wangji confirmed with a calm voice even though his hand trembled above the character he was trying to finish on his paper.

“Why?”

“I understand.”

He understood Wei Wuxian's motivations and the dire situation he was in. For the Yunmengjiang sect, he had only the place of sect leader's friends' son. Otherwise, he had no family, no ties. If the sect leader backed up his son in the whole affair – and it pained Lan Wangji to think about it – they could destroy Wei Wuxian's life. Notwithstanding that Wei Wuxian _was_ attached to Jiang Cheng even as harmful as he was.

When no water movements were heard for a moment, Lan Wangji looked up.

“Wei Wuxian?”

He received no response and glanced up. There was no silhouette behind. Lan Wangji shot to his feet then reached behind the curtain only to be welcomed by the absence of the young man. His stained clothes were still there in a pile on the ground and so was the water, pinkish with blood.

●

Incapable to focus on anything else than his boiling anger Lan Wangji cleaned the pavilion, burned the clothes and went to the private Lan's quarters. He practised his sword until his arm was shaking with exertion and then found himself punching desperately into a training trunk – smoothed out to avoid the splinters – until his phalanges were bluish and bloodied.

Never had he experienced such an overwhelming fury. He rarely was angry. Not to forget he felt helpless and drowned in guilt.

He did not know what exactly to do with his boiling emotions except isolate himself the more possible and deal with it. Tire himself out so he could meditate. It was better than to risk meeting the path of Jiang Cheng and kill him by accident.

Finally tired, he let his forehead hit the trunk – just enough to make it painful – and then he repeated the process like it could make the last discovery disappear from his head.

“Wangji?'

Forehead against the martyrised wood he glanced at his brother. The other trotted to him, his eyebrows high on his forehead and pinched in worry. Lan Wangji's head hit the wood again, set in its rhythm. Lan Xichen slid his hand between the wood and his skin.

“Wangji, brother, I've never seen you in such a state,” he said, his concern trickling down into his wavering voice. “Wangji, Wangji, what happened? Did Wei Wuxian do something to you? No, obviously not.”

The mere idea made Lan Wangji shudder in disgust. He pursued his lips in anger – at his brother this time.

"Wangji, here you'll have to help me. I see that you are beyond fury but I don't know _why_.”

Lan Wangji took the hand that stopped him from hitting his head. He straightened, his hand convulsively clutching his brother's.

“Someone... is sexually abused.”

"Not from the sect," Lan Xichen inferred. "Otherwise you'd have told them to go to the White Chrysanthemum."

“They don't want to tell anyone.”

Lan Xichen pinched his lips, "Obviously they don't. They do feel ashamed for what another did to them." The other shook his head and sighed. "That wouldn't stop you from taking steps to prevent any damages. Except if they are from another sect and acting would put the Gusulan sect's into an uncomfortable situation." Lan Xichen stared into the distance, exhaling a deep breath. "Oh. I do think I know who it is."

Lan Wangji pinched his lips not to _cry_. He was pretty ashamed of his sudden high sensitivity.

“Oh, Wangji. I know you will do your best.” Lan Xichen drew him into a hug that Lan Wangji didn't struggle against. He flopped against his brother, feeling worn out. “I will keep an eye out and tell uncle Lan Qiren to do so too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you... ready to kill me?  
> Lan Wangji knows! You can't be mad at me!
> 
> You can leave your polite and formal declaration of war in the comments tho :D


	6. Chapter 6

He stood in front of the pavilion library with conflicted feelings. It was where he found a bit of peace and unrestrained fun, but it also was the place where Lan Wangji found him debauched and having a breakdown. 

Wei Wuxian trembled at the mere thought of entering the Camelia room. But if he didn't enter he was a Jiang Cheng mercy.

“We moved.”

He jumped in fright, stumbled on himself and found back his balance a few feet away from a – still calm – Lan Wangji. The other merely blinked at this action and headed for the pavilion, looking at him above his shoulder to make clear Wei Wuxian should follow him. And he did.

The room wasn't too different from the other. The table and other pieces of furniture were made in the same wood perfectly varnished. On their left, the window gave sight on a beautiful plum tree with tender green leaves. Above Lan Wangji's head was hanging a painting of the Cloud Recesses – another part than the one in the camelia's room. The atmosphere of the place was as calming as the other room. 

Except there was no trace of Wei Wuxian's scratching on the table. 

“This one is nice too. Why do you never use it?”

“I liked the other,” Lan Wangji answered in his even voice.

"You 'liked' it," Wei Wuxian said as he fell on the ground rather than lowered himself. He sat cross-legged and propped his chin on his hand. He acted casually but his heart was beating fast and the idea to cry crossed his mind. Did Lan Wangji was acting too? Would he cry? The idea made him chuckle, "Having answers from you is like pulling teeth, your not very talkative. " 

“You, you lie.”

The words slapped Wei Wuxian in the face and cut down his urge to tease. He bit on his lip as he closed his jaw loudly. He startled when Lan Wangji stood up swiftly but calmed when the other saw it and slowed down. Lan Wangji crouched in front of Wei Wuxian and took out of his sleeve a handkerchief that he pressed against Wei Wuxian's lips. 

When Lan Wangji stopped pressing on Wei Wuxian's lips to slow down the flow of blood, he took out a quiakun pouch. Sitting in front of Wei Wuxian, he put three unguents between them. 

Wei Wuxian took them and read the ticket attached to it. He smiled nervously at Lan Wangji's pretty calligraphy. It was sweet but it meant Lan Wangji knew or had a vague idea of _where_ Wei Wuxian needed to use them.

"Do you know about the White Chrysanthemums pavilion?" 

“I-...” Wei Wuxian thought about lying, telling him he didn't know and derailing the conversation so Lan Wangji wouldn't continue, but the other stared at him with intense eyes. Why lie anyway Lan Wangji _knew_. "... thought it was a rumour. None of the other sects talks openly about it and the Gusulan sect never confirmed it." 

“We can help you.”

Wei Wuxian tugged on Lan Wangji's sleeve absentmindedly. He liked his lips, tasted the rest of blood and tangled his fingers in the soft fabric of Lan Wangji's robe.

“I don't want to be isolated into a room.”

Lan Wangji put a booklet in his hands and went to sit back on his side. Wei Wuxian saw the title of the book 'White Chrysanthemums' rule book'. He snorted, obviously there were more rules. But he was curious and Lan Wangji had returned to his lesson, ignoring him so Wei Wuxian flipped the pages. 

The information pertained more about what people out of the house should and were demanded to do rather than what the woman and men inside had to. It surprised Wei Wuxian that only a few of the Gusulan's sect rules were precise like the bedtime one, the meal time and the respect to each other private room. 

"Why is it specified that 'waking up from a nightmare, experiencing a deep fear keeping you awake or sick are not considered infraction to the sect's curfew. In fact, you can wake up someone else for help must you need it.'?" Wei Wuxian asked as his chin reposed on the table and the booklet stood by itself in front of his eyes. 

“The first women in the house would think otherwise,” Lan Wangji explained. “We adapted to make the life of newcomer easier.”

Wei Wuxian hummed to himself. He had woken up quite a few time from a nightmare and yet it didn't bother him that much. He completely forgot trying to respect the curfew anyway. But for women having nothing else than what they had at the White Chrysanthemum house and nowhere else to go respecting the rules of the sect keeping them away from their abuser seemed a life or death thing to do. 

From the quiet of the room came Wei Wuxian's gurgling stomach. He sighed of chagrin. At breakfast he had eaten the quickest possible – not finishing everything – then bolted out of the main hall to get away from any prying eyes that he felt on him. The bland food didn't tempt him, he took no pleasure in eating it and often only take a few mouthfuls to settle his stomach before finding something else to snack on. 

Like the heavens had heard his thoughts, no one else than the stoic, rule-loving Lan Wangji put a red bean cake on the table. Wei Wuxian couldn't help open the wrapper a bit more to be sure even though the smell couldn't mislead him.

He stared at the food a moment, something inside his gut twisting that wasn't his stomach wailing for food. Yet Wei Wuxian didn't know exactly what it was. Anger? Wei Wuxian shook his head negatively and jumped on his feet as his eyes flew from Lan Wangji to the food. 

“Why are you treating me differently? Stop it! Nothing changed!”

"It did," Lan Wangji counteracted. "I know." 

Wei Wuxian stomped on the ground, angry that Lan Wangji was right. Yet he felt he'd dealt with Jiang Cheng better if nothing – absolutely nothing – changed in his life. Adapting was more difficult for him now.

“I want to return to Lotus Pier,” Wei Wuxian mumbled. “My friends are there. Shijie too.”

He lifted his eyes and meet Lan Wangji's. The other nodded and let out an 'understood' and nothing else. Wei Wuxian's heart beat fast in his chest. He took a moment to realise which emotion he felt; disappointment. He'd have liked if Lan Wangji pushed him a bit more to stay at Cloud Recesses. Yet Wei Wuxian knew that being forceful with him would only have made him leave the room in anger without listening one bit. 

Wei Wuxian huffed, let the book on the table, and put his head on the table as he observed the other work properly. Lan Wangji's left hand laid on the side which captivated Wei Wuxian. He hummed in wonder – his heart beating loudly – and extended his hand. He tapped the table a few times near Lan Wangji's hand, hesitating, then interlaced the tip of their fingers. Lan Wangji squeezed and didn't let go, though his face didn't show a lot of emotions. 

●

For outsiders the Cloud Recesses where all the same as the previous days but for Lan Wangji it was easy to notice this disciple change of road to go to his classroom, now meeting the group of guests disciples. Or the rare presence of this older sister-disciple now playing her guqin in public rather than in her private quarters. In fact, the whole Cloud Recesses shifted in habits so the normally privacy-loving disciples went more in the open, eyes sharp as they looked out for any wrong behaviours. 

Lan Wangji felt a fuzzy feeling at the flow of this change – pride for his sect – and yet couldn't shake off the thought it wasn't _enough_. They could move mountains if only Wei Wuxian accepted it. For that, he needed to accept to tell everyone and Lan Wangji knew it wouldn't happen. 

His uncle relieved him from surveillance duty the night so he could sleep on a regular schedule. Lan Wangji hadn't argued when his uncle said he had his friend to take care off and it'd be hard on his emotional state. Though, the man didn't change behaviour toward Wei Wuxian in class even though he looked up for signs of abuse on each guest. Lan Qiren was looking but not seeing. 

A few time Lan Wangji had wanted to go see him after class and be clear but he had made a promise to Wei Wuxian and kept his mouth shut.

Having to spent the nights away from Wei Wuxian, he observed the young man each day to see if any new marks were on his body or if he walked awkwardly. He did it during breakfast – but couldn't see Wei Wuxian walk – and going toward the classroom. For the last two days, nothing had caught his attention. But this morning he hadn't seen Wei Wuxian in the main all for their meal. 

This morning, Wei Wuxian left the group of boys and went toward the two brothers. The happy smile on his lips had no lies behind them and grew a little when he met Lan Wangji's eyes. Embarrassed, Lan Wangji let his eyes fall on his tea that he took a sip from. 

“Good morning, young master Wei. Do you want to share our tea?”

“Yeah, sure. Why not? Sure,” he said, sounding nervous. He sat at a side of the table and looked up at the young men chatting and sometimes pointing at the three of them.

“Don't worry, Wangji will make sure the both of you aren't late to Uncle's lesson”, Lan Xichen said in a soothing voice, the tone more important than his words and he poured tea for their guest. “Did you eat well this morning? I didn't see you at the main hall.”

Lan Wangji realised his brother knew whom he tried to protect at this remark even though Lan Xichen might have started to think it was Wei Wuxian since his break down. 

“Oh, uh, yeah. I was in town tonight,” Wei Wuxian said, sipping on his tea and not answering precisely the question. Though, his growling stomach did.

Lan Xichen chuckled and gave his pastry – that he made himself each morning for Lan Wangji and him – to the young man, “Eat, eat. You must have run from the town to get here in time. If you don't mind him having taken a bite already, you can take Wangji's too.”

Those words were said only to make Wei Wuxian less tense and gave him a lie to clutch on might he hadn't one prepared. Lan Wangji slid his own plate toward Wei Wuxian without uttering a word, but his fingers brushing against his. 

When he looked up at his brother, the young man had a mournful expression but smiled at the thanks Lan Wangji send him silently. 

●

In the room, Lan Wangji's even breath married to the soft strokes of the brush on his paper. Wei Wuxian stared at the other; his calm profile was fascinating. 

Lan Wangji finished writing his sentence then meet Wei Wuxian's eyes. For a moment they only observed each other in utter silence. 

“Can I kiss you?” Wei Wuxian asked in a murmur. Lan Wangji's eyes were glimmering and his lips slightly parted like he was going to say something but didn't found his words. The other boy looked away, his ears slightly tinted red. The sight made Wei Wuxian's heart leapt in his chest.

Wei Wuxian lifted himself above the table again. Nose a few fingers away from Lan Wangji's, he stared at the other. In his chest, his heart was running quicker. Wei Wuxian licked his lips and Lan Wangji's eyes flicked to the movement. 

“Don't you stop me?”

Lan Wangji's eyes darkened and he held his breath. Smiling, Wei Wuxian closed the distance. Wei Wuxian covered Lan Wangji's mouth in a butterfly kiss. Teasing, he drew back. Lan Wangji reached for his neck and pulled him back into a hungry kiss. Lan Wangji's lips were so warm, the movement soft even in its appetite and the hand firm but not collaring him.

“Lan-er-gege,” Wei Wuxian whispered against those lips. He licked them, asking, “Please.”

Lan Wangji exhaled a trembling breathe and opened his mouth. Wei Wuxian attacked it with excitation, letting out a needy moan into Lan Wangji's warm mouth. Wei Wuxian free hand rose to Lan Wangji's neck, feeling the quick pulse thrumming under his fingers. He lowered them as he kissed the man, his nibble fingers sliding under the high collar toward his chest. 

A hand stopped him, holding onto his wrist and Lan Wangji drew back.

“No.”

Something painful twisted inside Wei Wuxian chest, “Why? I promise I'm good. You can ask anything. Jiang Cheng like to control everything but I'm good if I can have a bit of liberty.”

Lan Wangji's expression didn't change greatly but Wei Wuxian saw coldness then anger cross those light coloured eyes.

"I don't doubt it," Lan Wangji said in a clipped tone pushing him away with more strength. 

“So what? Is it because Jiang Cheng?” Wei Wuxian sat back, putting distance between the two of them. “Well, yes, I'm not a virgin. Sorry to be so disgusting.”

“You're not.”

“Then why are you rejecting me?”

Lan Wangji looked away, presenting his red ears to Wei Wuxian. The young man kept silent for a moment and Wei Wuxian calmed down at the sight of his swollen lips and the way he played with his hands under the table. Wei Wuxian wanted to wallow in self-pity to have been rejected. But it was clear that Lan Wangji was new to all that and clearly shy.

“You deserve to be happy,” Lan Wangji whispered out of the blue.

“With you?” Wei Wuxian snorted, still feeling hurt. “You'll make me happy?”

Lan Wangji shook his head negatively, “I cannot.”

Wei Wuxian huffed in annoyance, fell on the ground where he curled on himself and wrapped his head in his light coat. He kept it on himself to sleep better anytime he found a safe place for it.

“Wei Wuxian?”

He grumbled longer and higher so Lan Wangji knew perfectly well how he felt at his answer. His face buried into the clothe Wei Wuxian could hide in peace the stinging pain of Lan Wangji's honesty: no one would want him. Worse; no one would make him happy. 

The footstep alerted him that Lan Wangji left but Wei Wuxian childishly decided to stay on the ground wrapped in his coat. 

“Happiness is something to do, something to love, something to hope for.”

Wei Wuxian lifted the clothe from his head to glare at the young man who put down a book in front of him on the table.

"That's the longest sentence you ever uttered," he muttered. "And it's a terrible quote. Obviously, I hope for happiness, but how do I get it?" 

Lan Wangji made a head movement toward the book. Wei Wuxian took the book with the tip of his fingers and stared at the title as it tangled.

"Uh, you're not serious? A book about finding happiness? An old book written by an ageing master who wanted to leave his thoughts about his perfect life of a nobleman who had a First Wife and a Second one, a dozen of kids and never worried about feeding himself once in his life." Wei Wuxian breathed in. "That's rubbish. I can resume what he said in this book: don't be poor, abused or sad and then you'll be happy. Asshole." 

He waved the booklet only for a carefully folded letter with his name on it. Wei Wuxian recognised the calligraphy and he glanced at Lan Wangji. The other was staring at him until then, he looked down in embarrassment. 

The letter had been left there to be open later Wei Wuxian inferred. He smiled ruefully and rolled on his stomach to read. 

“What is it, Lan Zhan? A confession letter?” He asked. “Some _filthy_ thoughts laid on paper?”

 

[ Happiness is not to be handed. It is a sudden realisation. It is in finding someone to share a shelter from the pouring rain and the warmth of a fire on your cold skin. It is a stomach full and a body tired from good exercise. It is in the smile of a loved one and the shoulder to rely on. I cannot hand you happiness for happiness is not a thing to offer. I hand you shelter, a place near my fire. I will make so that you will never starve and my help so you find your happiness. ]

 

Wei Wuxian rolled on his side and held his mouth shut for he had the urge to coo. Lan Wangji's list was everything someone would ask for their spouse. Lan Wangji was perfect. Wei Wuxian's eyes prickled for how those words moved him. Lifting his eyes to Lan Wangji he saw him observing him back. They both looked away. 

Biting his lips, Wei Wuxian wrapped himself in his coat again. He put a hand to his chest and asked his beating heart to be still.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Any thoughts? prayers? reclamations? finally a formal declaration of war?


	7. Chapter 7

In this time of the year the sun hadn't set when Lan Wangji prepared for bed. He stared at the sky a moment, his mind filled of negative thoughts and worries.

At the presence of a silhouette on the roofs he froze, his hand flying to the hilt of his sword. Lan Wangji exhaled when he recognised the movements. Wei Wuxian jumped on the roof above him and hanged the upper half of his body. Lan Wangji observed the unruly hair, shining under the low lighting of the end of the day, then lifted his eyes to Wei Wuxian smiling face.

"Wei Wuxian."

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, you're good looking even upside down!" Wei Wuxian exclaimed, giggling after it. He extended a hand toward Lan Wangji and patted awkwardly his cheek. "Lan- oh shit-"

Wei Wuxian lost his balance and fell head first. Lan Wangji acted quick enough to catch the other's head and shoulder but his feet hit the ground soundly. Wei Wuxian stared at him from their awkward embrace then shot to his feet to put some space between them. He stumbled as he did so and nearly hit a column but Lan Wanji caught him.

"Are you drunk?"

"Ah! Don't frown! Ah, Lan Zhan hate me because I drank? Stupid," Wei Wuxian said, worried before angry. "Sorry. Sorry. I thought I'd sleep in town but there was the smell of emperor's smile... I can't help myself. I'm bad. Sorry. I didn't want to sleep in the forest again."

Lan Wangji held onto the young man totally inebriated. Wei Wuxian must have spend all his money taken for a bedroom on wine and had nothing more for a room. The fact that he had apparently slept in the forest a few time saddened Lan Wangji.

"I broke the rules. Sorry. I needed it, Lan Zhan. I couldn't sleep," Wei Wuxian declared as his voice got shakier. He clutched at Lan Wangji's robe and let his head fall against his chest. At least, he couldn't see Lan Xichen exit his room, sent a worried look at the both of them then return inside at Lan Wangji's shake of the head. "Sorry. You said you'd help. Can I have a bedroom? Not near-... not near-..."

Wei Wuxan choked up and Lan Wangji draped his arms around the other. He was careful not to hold to tight might the other feel like he was trapped.

Gently he tugged Wei Wuxian inside his own bedroom. There were a lot of empty rooms in the Lan's quarters yet he chose to keep Wei Wuxian near him. Lan Wangji sat him down on his own bed, wiped away the tears and went to fetch him a drink of water.

When he returned Wei Wuxian was curled up in the bed, hugging Lan Wangji's blanket and crying silently.

“Why are you being so kind? Didn't I break half of your rules?”

Wei Wuxian lifted his eyes shining with tears and his face full of hopelessness. Lan Wangji sat next to the bed and caressed the other's chin with his knuckles.

“You need help.”

“But I don't deserve it, I'm breaking all your rules,” Wei Wuxian sobbed, sitting back so he was facing Lan Wangji. He held onto his sleeve like a lost kid. “Do you love me? Do you expect me to _thank you_?”

Lan Wangji frowned at the tone of the young man and the glimmer in his eyes as he held Lan Wangji's stare. Wei Wuxian crawled to close the distance between them and took Lan Wangji by surprise. He sat on his lap, his bottom on Lan Wangji's groin and their chests close together. Frozen in shock, Lan Wangji let Wei Wuxian take his hands and put them behind his back.

Lifting his eyes to meet Wei Wuxian's in this position, Lan Wangji gulped at the absence of teasing glint or even real infatuation. Wei Wuxian's hand curled around his cheek – warm and clumsy.

"You're a virgin, uh?" Wei Wuxian asked, his breath making Lan Wangji frown and the thrusting of his hips making Lan Wangji gasp. "I'm so bashed you could experiment all you want. I'm loose and pliant." The words scared Lan Wangji but the depreciative snort from Wei Wuxian made his heart squeeze. "So you'll have the thing you're waiting for. No need to be all gracious and-... and all waiting for a recompense. There, there I tell you: you can have me."

"Wei Wuxian," Lan Wangji whispered, scared to death by the young man's proposition. He grabbed the boy's wandering hand and held his wrist in a loose hold before interlacing his fingers with Wei Wuxian's. Lan Wangji wrapped his arm around the other's torso and hide his face into Wei Wuxian's chest, "I want. When you are sober. When you want it."

Wei Wuxian's body flopped against his, he shrunk on himself and hugged Lan Wangji's shoulders while seemingly trying to meld his body to inside him.

“You're too good. Too good.”

Soft crying shook Wei Wuxian's shoulders making Lan Wangji squeeze harder and ignored the prickling at his eyes, focused on bringing comfort to Wei Wuxian.

●

Something was tingling Wei Wuxian's cheek. He blindly chased it with his hand and hit a wrist. Opening an eye he saw Lan Wangji hide a brush into his sleeve. He was clothed neatly, his hair up in a perfect bun and two strands of hair framing his face.

"Did you just make a prank on me?" Wei Wuxian mumbled, clutching on the pillow in his arms.

"You weren't waking up," Lan Wangji explained and Wei Wuxian inferred the rest. Lan Wangji asked himself: _how far can I go before he wakes up_?

Wei Wuxian chuckled, amused at the shy antic. Maybe there was a prankster sleeping inside the serene demeanour Lan Wangji showed.

“Up.”

“Just a little more,” Wei Wuxian moaned in despair, huddling on himself and his pillow. “I'm good here.”

“Then stay,” Lan Wangji declared.

The underlying meaning woke up Wei Wuxian on the spot. Suddenly his place in the bed wasn't so comfortable anymore.

“I won't,” Wei Wuxian mumbled before his blanket was pulled from his arms and left his body offered to the chill morning air. “Nooo, too cold!”

●

Wei Wuxian didn't know why he accepted to help Nie Huaisang study. There were there for a mark and he was dying of boredom. Worse, it was a study group so both Jin Zixuan and Jiang Cheng where there. The later kept on talking to him and only him, his eyes firmly set on his form.

The boredom became too great. Wei Wuxian rolled on the ground moaning, “Let's go hunt pheasants or I'll drop dead right there and then!”

Jin Zixuan huffed and looked away from him in disdain while Nie Huaisang hid behind his book, whimpering that he needed to get high marks this time around or his brother would come to haunt his dreams. Only stayed Jiang Cheng apparently greatly interested. Wei Wuxian had no reason to suddenly refuse.

He dragged his feet rather than hopped around but kept a fake smile as something pulled on his stomach trying to immobilize him on the place.

“You won't scold me for wanting to play rather than study this once, Jiang Cheng?” Wei Wuxian asked, lifting his arms to link his hands behind his head. Like that he could hide his face from the other.

“No, it's good to move a bit for once,” Jiang Cheng commented, wrapping his arm around his shoulders.

They passed by a duo of young disciples reading scrolls under the sunlight and exchanging about it. Wei Wuxian couldn't help wave and grin at them for how cute their serious expression was.

“Hunting pheasants isn't that physically tasking, though.”

Jiang Cheng leaned toward him, holding his head in place by the hand on his head. He kissed the corner of his lips and whispered, “I want you.”

“Are you going outside, brothers?”

Wei Wuxian shouted, clutching at his heart. He stared at the young girl looking expectantly at them.

“Yes, yes we are.”

"Can we accompany you?" she asked, her big black eyes staring expectantly at Wei Wuxian.

“Do you want to hunt pheasants?”

The little boy – less quick and silent than her – stood at her side and frowned at her.

“It'd be a learning experience.”

"Lan Chi-" he started before being silenced by the sect's spell. The girl made a proper kowtow and the boy made Wei Wuxian a hesitant toothy grin – where one in the front row was absent – and he was sold. Another little Lan had a prankster's heart. He was going to cultivate it to its full potential.

“Sure! Let's go.”

In the forest near the Cloud Recesses, the pheasants were almost absent which made it harder to find some. For Wei Wuxian it was funnier like that for near Lotus Pier it was easy to find and catch them.

With the little kids following after them, Wei Wuxian spent more time trying to get smiles out of them rather than look at Jiang Cheng. The young man was still scowling and forced them to stop at a moment, he showed the kids how to make a trap and ordered them to watch over the trap in silence.

Jiang Cheng dragged Wei Wuxian a bit further before any of them could utter a word. Wei Wuxian's heart fluttered in panic but he kept a grin on his face until Jiang Cheng kissed it away. His mouth on Wei Wuxian was firm, enjoyable but still making Wei Wuxian's scared. The arm around his waist prevented him from fleeing.

A scream startled Wei Wuxian. He pushed Jiang Cheng away and ran to the kids, panicking for good now. He found the boy scrambling to his feet, glaring at the young girl. She pushed him toward Wei Wuxian who caught him at the last moment, hugging his lithe body.

"Pardon my shidi, Wuxian-xiong but Lan Ming was scared. He's a crybaby."

The little boy wiped his head around and yelled, "No, that's not true-"

"Crybaby," she repeated in a bland tone Wei Wuxian didn't know how to interpret.

The little boy huffed, clutched at Wei Wuxian's robe and stuck out his tongue at her. She looked away, her chin up and her expression indifferent like she was above such mockery.

Wei Wuxian sighed, his heart having calmed down and he ruffled the boy's hair who glared at him for that. It made Wei Wuxian chuckle.

Next to him Jiang Cheng clicked his tongue in annoyance, his arms crossed before he took a hold of Wei Wuxian's arm.

“Let's go, it's not fun anymore.”

A nervous smile crossed Wei Wuxian's features, yet he didn't stop Jiang Cheng. They were a few cun away from the kids already. A few times Wei Wuxian made sure they followed without problems. The two little cultivators were murmuring between themselves, the boy expressing worry on his face but they seemed to walk fine, so Wei Wuxian put back his focus on Jiang Cheng. He tried to guess what would the young man do after they returned to Cloud Recesses.

“I sprained my ankle.”

Jiang Cheng let go of Wei Wuxian when they heard that and returned to the girl standing with her back straight. Wei Wuxian kneeled in front of her and made her a comforting smile.

“Will you let me see it?”

He extended his hand but she swatted it away and crossed her arms, "Do not undress me! Only the physician will."

Wei Wuxian chuckled, “I wouldn't undress you to look at a sprained ankle, little lady.”

The girl huffed and looked away, endearing Wei Wuxian.

“Let's find one of your older brother-apprentice. Would you let me carry you back home?”

"I'll let Wuxian-xiong carry me," she said, nodding with a straight face.

"Good, good," Wei Wuxian chuckled again, amused at her antics then picked up under her thighs so he'd have a free hand. Except the boy caught it when Jiang Cheng made a sign to get on this side.

“You like kids so much,” Jiang Cheng said, rolling his eyes but a smile on the tip of his lips.

Wei Wuxian titled his head to the side, giving him reason. After that, they walked in silence for a while. At the entry of the Cloud Recesses, they saw Lan Xichen coming inside too. He paused and sent their group a curious glance.

"Your little sister sprained her ankle so Wuxian-xiong carried her home," Wei Wuxian said. "Can you take care of her for me?”

Lan Xichen sent another strange look at the little Lan then smiled in a saddened manner.

“I cannot. I have matters to attend, but I am sure that my juniors can guide you toward the physician. Thank you for taking care of them.”

“Oh, fine. You're welcome.”

Wei Wuxian didn't linger on it and set himself on finding another Gusulan disciple who would take his place. The first refused, having too 'matters to attend' and the third simply said no and walked away. Behind them, Jiang Cheng followed while mumbling that he was getting annoyed about all that.

"Third time's the charm," Wei Wuxian exclaimed as he spotted another disciple older than the two kids at his side. He saluted the adolescent girl who – contrary to a lot of Yungmengjiang's girls who blushed and stuttered – stared at him with a blank expression. She did exchange a look with Lan Chi and the little boy.

“So, can you take her to the physician?” Wei Wuxian asked her, a charming smile on his lips.

"Why didn't you go directly there? It would have been faster," she asked back, blinking slowly.

“Uh, because. Why don't you?”

“I am...” she started before her eyes shot from side to side. “... cannot support the smells there.”

“You _are_ cannot support the smell?" Jiang Cheng repeated mockingly, his temper showing. Her expression became sharper as she set her eyes on him. Wei Wuxian unconsciously clutched at Lin Chi. "What it is? Are you all taking us for fools? Why none of you wants to carry this girl there? Wei Ying, give the girl to her this instant!"

“Shouting is prohibited in the Cloud Recesses,” she said cooly and holding his wrist. “Come with me. I'll make sure you are punished.”

Jiang Cheng held a stunned expression and tried to get out of her hold but her arm's strength was enough to drag him away from Wei Wuxian and the kids. Lan Chi draped her arms around Wei Wuxian's neck.

“Are we going?”

“Yeah,” he said, stunned and a strange feeling in the back of his head. “Let's go.”

With their indication they found the physician and Wei Wuxian set the girl in front of the door.

“If you need anything, our physician is skilled in many areas and has made a vow to keep secret his patient's problems from anyone. Even family,” the little girl said.

“Did you even sprain your ankle?” Wei Wuxian asked with uneasiness.

“I did. Three days ago,” she said. “The pain is almost gone.”

Wei Wuxian pinched his lips, nodded and ruffled the boy's hair before biding them his farewell.

Thanks to them he was free from Jiang Cheng grasp. If he managed to avoid him until the night that is. Wandering the Cloud Recesses, he kept himself hidden from everyone as he thought about hiding in Lan Wangji's private quarters.

Except his musings were cut short when someone hugged him from behind. Jiang Cheng's smell filled his nose and made him tense.

The other murmured at his ear, "Let's get in town. I'll buy you a few jars of emperor's smile. Would you like that?"

 Wei Wuxian licked his lips; inside him fought two opposite forces. On one hand the alcohol tempted him and on the other hand, he knew perfectly Jiang Cheng would take advantage of him if he accepted.

He hated himself for nodding at the proposition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo did you expect some sexy time? I fooled you! huehuehue
> 
> do you have some complains now? are you.... worried for Wei Wuxian?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO GOOD READERS CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION? 
> 
> I have changed quite a bit of this chapter with this 2nd version so it's best to read it again (won't be too dreadful a chore I hope)

The following morning, Wei Wuxian made the exploit to woke up early. He walked up to the Cloud Recesses and meet Lan Wangji at the entrance, watching over it.

"Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian saluted, playing with his hands, the hole in his stomach expanding. "Do... are you angry with me?"

Lan Wangji blinked then shook his head negatively. He did not fish for information and only asked, "Did you eat?"

Wei Wuxian paused, maybe it wasn't worth noticing for Lan Wangji, but for him it was: no inquiry pushed to the point of making him shook, no yelling and no hand around his wrist - or another part of him - clenching until it let a mark.

The other walked him to the kitchen and was promptly replaced of his chore at the gate by the first disciple he saw. The other didn't ask though he sent a look at Wei Wuxian. Again, the feeling of uneasiness crashed over him.

“You said,” Wei Wuxian murmured in a bland voice due to fear.

Lan Wangji hummed a question, his eyes showing nothing. They scrunched when they fell on Wei Wuxian's face.

“You said.”

Lan Wangji seemed to understand, "Did not. I asked for the sect to open its eyes. The disciples did."

Wei Wuxian's chest felt tight and his body far away. He looked down at his trembling hand. It was at a distance of a few cuns away.

“Wei Wuxian.” Lan Wangji held his wrist, not too tight, not too loose. Enough for Wei Wuxian to feel the warmth radiating from it and slowly pressing on his pulse. “Calm. We know the signs.”

He nodded. Consciously, he knew the sect was familiar with the 'signs'. The White Chrysanthemum rumour wasn't one anymore after all. Yet his mind kept on telling him Lan Wangji had betrayed him.

"Come eat," Lan Wangji said, tugging so gently on Wei Wuxian's wrist he could have thought it a caress. "Let's talk."

Wei Wuxian snorted, "You? Talking? You struggle to align two sentences! And you want to talk?"

“To you, yes.”

Wei Wuxian closed his eyes and pretended his heart wasn't calling for this kind of attitude every day rather than Jiang Cheng's scrutiny, even during their good periods.

“I won't leave Jiang Cheng.”

The comment wasn't asked for but Wei Wuxian needed to say it out loud to recall himself and Lan Wangji. The other man neither answered it nor ignored the comment. He met Wei Wuxian's eyes, holding his stare then looked straight in front of him, holding Wei Wuxian's hand rather than his wrist.

●

The days passed with Jiang Cheng having returned to his best self. Wei Wuxian slept in his own bedroom now except a few times when he saw the glimpse of Jiang Cheng's anger and eclipsed himself anywhere but near him.

He still prefers Lan Wangji calm, almost out of concern for mortal's matter, kind of personality. It only made it more enticing when Wei Wuxian spotted him caressing those idiot rabbits or helped one of his junior disciples without any hesitation.

Notwithstanding his apparent cold personality, Lan Zhan gave him shelter, warmed up his cold body, he fed him and even trained to the sword with him now. Maybe the young man wasn't handing him happiness, but he gave him safety.

Once, Jiang Cheng did the same.

"It was Uncle," Wei Wuxian corrected himself, a whisper on his lips. And his uncle Jiang Fengmian never asked more than his respect. Jiang Fengmian chose to raise him and never asked for affection in return. Wei Wuxian gave it to him freely for Jiang Fengmian was worthy of it.

Now, the time at the Cloud Recesses passed by and Wei Wuxian counted the remaining months with worry.

●

Lan Wangji said goodnight to his brother and prepared himself to sleep. He would lie to say his sleep schedule wasn't perturbed from the last weeks, but he still managed to sleep enough. He was glad for having followed respectfully the sect bedtime for years, for now, it helped him fall asleep. Even if his mind turned without interruption, his body recalled the time for rest and blew out the candle in his head keeping him awake.

He woke up in the middle of the night. Perfectly awake he listened to the sounds around him to determine what had taken him out of sleep. Someone was standing in front of his door, moving from one foot to the other very slowly.

Lan Wangji got out of bed and opened his door slowly as to not scare the person behind. As he thought, Wei Wuxian was there. The other lifted his gaze from his hands that he twisted and meet Lan Wangji's eyes.

"I don't want to."

Lan Wangji tugged him inside in silence, not understanding yet but praying that Wei Wuxian would talk. In almost perfect silence, Lan Wangji found the necessary to make a warm drink without leaf tea that would keep them awake. Wei Wuxian stood idly inside the jingshi.

"I don't want to go back to Lotus Pier."

Lan Wangji nodded and sat Wei Wuxian down then put the warm drink in his hands. He paused when he saw the stains on them. He gently tugged on one that Wei Wuxian gave him without struggling any. It was blood, Wei Wuxian must have bit and nibbled on his fingers for quite a while in high stress before coming to him.

“Sorry,” Wei Wuxian mumbled in his cup. “I was thinking and-”

“I'll heal it.”

Lan Wangji made a move to stood up but Wei Wuxian held tightly on his hand and keep him crouching next to him, "Do you- how should I-? For not going back? What should I do?"

Lan Wangji had wished for Wei Wuxian to behave as a proper cultivator with manners and yet as the young man sat in silence, his back straight for how tense he was, Lan Wangji hated it. He prefered the rueful smiles and the laughs travelling through the Cloud Recesses unrestrained.

He couldn't help himself, he reached out and caressed Wei Wuxian's cheek. Lan Wangji craved the warm presence of the young man teasing him endlessly. Yet, both of those Wei Wuxian weren't him. Not completely, not freely. There was Jiang Cheng and his shadow behind those Wei Wuxian.

Lan Wangji wanted for Wei Wuxian to be ride of this shadow. He wanted to see in which kind of man Wei Wuxian would turn without fearing for his safety and needing to wear a mask of happiness.

“I'll find something.”

Wei Wuxian tilted his head to the side, leaving Lan Wangji's hand the full weight of it, “Can I help?”

Lan Wangji nodded. Working with Wei Wuxian sounded wonderful.

●

"You know everyone disses my theories, but you're way worse than me at planning anything," Wei Wuxian complained as they made their way through the Cloud Recesses. In exactly one week the guest disciples were to leave and Wei Wuxian doubt in Lan Wangji's plan had increased as the time went.

“Shush.”

Wei Wuxian closed his mouth in a click as Lan Wangji pushed him aside to hide partially. A disciple clad in white passed in front of them, too far to notice them both.

Lan Wangji had assured him that no one would doubt the fact he was entering seclusion and Wei Wuxian agreed. But who would believe the young cheerful Wei Wuxian ran away like that? A few days before Lan Wangji? From eavesdropping around, no one talked about his disappearance except to say he was having fun somewhere and didn't want to come back yet. His days of isolation into Lan Wangji's bedroom had done nothing. Wei Wuxian couldn't believe it. All this suffering for nothing!

As his mind wandered, Lan Wangji had walked them toward the seclusion area where they would stay until the guest disciples left. No one would dare to bother Lan Wangji when inside. And it verified.

For a few days at least.

Wei Wuxian laid on the ground, his head comfortably cushioned on Lan Wangji's thigh as the other meditated which he did for the past two days. Wei Wuxian had hated the almost absence of distraction but he had taken enough book to recreate a little library there and having such peace started to calm him down.

Lan Wangji expired in a questioning way - Wei Wuxian huffed at how the other managed to express so much with so little.

"But no. Stupid me had to cling to you," he murmured.

Lan Wangji's idea was terrible. The moment they'd left the place chaos would come out of it. Yet, Wei Wuxian knew Lan Wangji did the most of the little authorisation Wei Wuxian gave him. Lan Wangji hadn't forced him to the house of the White Chrysanthemum, he hadn't told his Uncle Lan Qiren that it was him - Wei Wuxian - that had troubles and worked by himself to keep him safe. Somewhere, Wei Wuxian felt a deep guilt at putting so much pressure on the young man when he could just have been tougher and walked into the White Chrysanthemum house and stay there for a few months.

He was reading some old book filled with theories that had been forgotten in the library pavilion for quite sometimes but his mind came back to the last fit of rage of Jiang Cheng. If Lan Wangji's plan didn't work then Wei Wuxian was sure to meet an equal punishment or even worse from Jiang Cheng than the last time. He curled on himself at the idea and felt Lan Wangji's hand caress his head.

“Meditate with me.”

Wei Wuxian hummed and lifted himself on his arms without energy. It wasn't something he liked to do. The last time he was serious about it he felt like things in him were out of places and just plain wrong. Lan Wangji argued it was normal and he needed to persevere to put everything back in order rather than let it macerate and hurt him.

Before even trying to meditate, he kissed Lan Wangji's on the corner of his mouth, smiling when the other tilted his head to the side without opening his eyes.

But his mind came back to the soon to be departure of the guest disciples. Would Jiang Cheng threw a fit, go looking for him? Would he find the White Chrysanthemum? He had said it was rumours, but he might have lied to Wei Wuxian. Maybe he knew, maybe he'd go there. Wei Wuxian was suddenly overwhelmed by relief at not being there.

Lan Wangji opened his eyes and frowned. Wei Wuxian giggled, amused by the expression and kissed the other's frown. Lan Wangji pushed him away, his eyebrows even more knitted together.

“Meditate.”

Wei Wuxian draped his arms around Lan Wangji's shoulders and jumped on his lap, feeling the start of another far-away sensation coming. He liked touching in this state, his own fingers against each other, another person. It made him felt here again.

“Wei Wuxian.”

He startled at his hissed name and stared at Lan Qiren, glowering with anger.

●

Wei Wuxian's weird behaviour – weirder than usual due to the slowness of his moves – threw Lan Wangji's out of his peace of mind.

The presence of his uncle made him mute in surprise.

“Uncle?”

Wei Wuxian laughed but stood up.

"This is-" the man started, talking between clenched teeth. "The last of your immoral acts, Wei Ying!"

Lan Wangji held onto Wei Wuxian's wrist when he saw him shrunk on himself at the appellation.

“Uncle-”

"This is inadmissible!" Lan Qiren exclaimed, raising his voice. "Stop harassing my nephew this instant, Wei Ying!"

The anger in his uncle surprised Lan Wangji. Technically, it was allowed to be in remotely seclusion with another disciple. It just wasn't done much for disciples prefered to be alone to follow their own pace and path. Lan Wangji could have recalled that to his uncle, but the fury he saw in his eyes let him scampering for words and stay close to Wei Wuxian.

"He's not harassing me," Lan Wangji stated firmly, making his uncle froze for a moment.

"Shush, Lan Wangji," his uncle said before seething at Wei Ying. "You have been hiding doing who knows what, worrying Jiang Cheng, missing classes and _attacking_ my nephew again.”

Lan Wangji stared at his uncle, his words stumbling against each other. He had always seen the man as a wise person with flowings words and thoughtful answers and today he acted with anger and nonsense. He wasn't even tying the clues together.

Wei Wuxian stood idly, “Well, I've been hiding but-”

"Silence," Lan Qiren demanded. "I will not hear any excuse for your behaviour. I thought you had something to save into you, but you are only a nuisance. You couldn't even come in class and make the _pretence_ to follow my teaching. You will leave soon the Cloud Recesses and you still-”

"Uncle!" Lan Wangji called, raising his voice for the first time in years. The man in front of him froze and blinked at him.

Even though the absence of understanding of the situation his uncle showed made Lan Wangji confused and angry, he took advantage of Lan Qiren surprise. Mind racing, certain that his uncle was really going to let Wei Wuxian out of Cloud Recesses, he found one last idea that would keep Wei Wuxian.

He untied his ribbon and interlaced his fingers with Wei Wuxian who breathed rapidly, "Wei-"

“Lan Wangji!” his uncle called, outraged.

He sent his uncle a dark look, "Interrupting a marriage proposal is improper."

“Wha-what?” Wei Wuxian asked, eyes huge with shock. He tried to take back his hand, “Lan- what? Don't do that! It's fine, don't lie for me. Don't do that. I'll-”

Lan Qiren walked on them, but Lan Wangji angled their bodies so his back faced his uncle and kept him away from Wei Wuxian. His mind was a rushing mess as he witnessed Wei Wuxian's Qi getting worse. Each word from his uncle seemed to drag him closer to the edge. He needed to tether Wei Wuxian, distract him.

"Remember my letter," Lan Wangji demanded with a sense of urgency. He met Wei Wuxian's eyes, huge and dark with fear but glowing with hope. "I'm not lying. Are you?"

“Not to you,”Wei Wuxian mumbled, his hands spasming a few time around Lan Wangji's.

They held eye contact for a moment, Lan Wangji's words escaping him as he looked at Wei Wuxian with all his capacity. He sighed when he saw Wei Wuxian's aura calmed down. He would have wished for a different way to make his proposal yet he felt like tying their fate together now would convince his uncle and keep Wei Wuxian safe at Cloud Recesses which was the more important right now.

Lan Qiren made his tongue click in annoyance, “The both of you are being ridiculous.” He breathed out, trying to calm himself. “Wei Ying, if you are playing with my boy's feelings I'll-” He clenched his teeth and continued before Lan Wangji could say anything. “Go back to your rooms. The both of you. If you are so in love, going back to Lotus Pier and making a formal and correct demand won't hurt any of you,” Lan Qiren declared.

He had calmed down and even considered the marriage proposal like something serious – from Lan Wangji's part at least – but still didn't understand Lan Wangji's actions, reporting all the blame on Wei Wuxian.

“I don't want,” Wei Wuxian said, his sentence dragging like he was talking to a slow man.

Lan Qiren's face spasmed but he kept his cool and looked at them with intensity. Lan Wangji breathed in, maybe he was finally understanding. Lan Qiren glanced at Lan Wangji's and Wei Wuxian's interlaced hands. He sighed.

"Both of you are acting childishly and bringing shame to your sect doing so," he said, his voice so full of disappointment Lan Wangji had to look away from his uncle's face. He heard him sigh loudly, "Wei Ying, stop biting your nails. What is sure is that in your position, a rushed wedding would hurt both of our sects' reputation. As you are both men, it'll only complicate things. So, Wei Ying, you will go back to Lotus Pier."

"Uncle," Lan Wangji pleaded, torn between saying things out loud and betray Wei Wuxian or risk him being taken away. The other was currently dead silent, his body pressed against Lan Wangji's back but still holding firm on his hand, "I cannot let him go."

“Wei Ying, stop biting your nails,” Lan Qiren hissed.

“Don't call me that,” Wei Wuxian mumbled. “Not.”

Lan Qiren calmed down and sent a strange look toward them. Lan Wangji glanced at Wei Wuxian, half hidden behind him, his hand squeezing Lan Wangji's enough to make him feel his bones brush against each other. Wei Wuxian did not look up. "Let's us talk, come to my study room. "

Relief washed over Lan Wangji, his stunt had been panic driven but his uncle considered seriously the wedding proposal. He followed after the man, tugging on Wei Wuxian's hand gently.

“No,” Wei Wuxian mumbled, surely heard only by Lan Wangji who stopped when the other didn't move.

“Come on, we don't have the day. You will be punished for the missed class-” Lan Wangji looked back at his uncle, saw the consideration in his eyes and the pause he did like he wanted to test the waters, “-and we'll let you go apologise to Jiang Cheng.”

Whatever reaction he had been waiting for, Lan Qiren did not expect the soul-crushing cry.

Holding onto Wei Wuxian's, Lan Wangji's physically felt the snap. It was a shot of electricity coursing his arm, coming from Wei Wuxian who stared at Lan Qiren in silence. In his chest, Lan Wangji's heart stopped before a chill ran up his spine.

“I'm not leaving!” Wei Wuxian screamed in anguish. “I'm not!”

He pulled back, surely trying to run away for good this time, but Lan Wangji instinctively held tighter on Wei Wuxian's wrist. Lan Wangji had one second of relief for having held Wei Wuxian's hand since the start when the other changed tactic.

Wei Wuixian bit on his wrist. It wasn't a nibble but a beast's action. Wei Wuxian's teeth clamped on his own wrist at Lan Wangji' and Lan Qiren's mute horror. Blood gushed from the wound yet Wei Wuxian bite a second time, higher, like he tried to bite Lan Wangji but didn't quite have the mean to find the hand holding him in place.

“Not!” Wei Wuxian yelled without meaning, blood smearing his face.

The teeth brushed Lan Wangji's fingers at the third time which woke him up. He lifted Wei Wuxian's arm away from his mouth and tried to hold his chin. Wei Wuxian kneed him in the groin with enough force to make Lan Wangji's grip waver.

The younger boy got away, but Lan Qiren embraced him, effectively blocking Wei Wuxian's arms to his body.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Qiren said in a pressing voice. “Focus on-”

Lan Wangji's heartbeat was quick but completely mad at the scene under his eyes. He saw Wei Wuxian's eyes a second – mad and fixing on nothing as they rolled around before Wei Wuxian threw his head toward Lan Qiren and broke his nose at the force of the impact. He pushed the adult away, but Lan Wangji had found his strength back. He tripped Wei Wuxian and locked his arms in his back.

Lan Wangji looked up at his uncle, his own mind at lost in this situation. The man's lower face was as full of blood as Wei Wuxian's.

“The cold spring,” Lan Qiren said, his voice changed by his broken nose. “The shock could-”

Lan Wangji didn't wait for the full explanation. He tied Wei Wuxian's arms together despite the desperate struggling of the boy and threw him on his shoulder. He didn't care about Wei Wuxian strand of curses and the repeated 'not going' nor the blood staining his white clothes as he made his way to the cold spring, his uncle on his heels. Only the sound of his racing heartbeat filled his ears.

_Please let it be not too late, please let it be not too late pleaseplease_

He threw Wei Wuxian in the cold water and joined him quickly. He hoped the shock of the temperature had been enough to stop Wei Wuxian's descent into madness like his uncle had thought. The other boy went back to the surface taking a deep breath before Lan Wangji could catch him – worried about his tied arms in his back. Wei Wuxian's eyes were huge – the blood vessels visible in the white of his eyes – and he trembled from all his body. He lost his footing, stumbling.

“Lan- Lan-”

Lan Wangji drew him closer and unwrapped the ribbon stained from his lover's blood. In his arms, Wei Wuxian's chest kept on freezing as he held his breath and let go. He shuddered both from the shock and the water temperature. When Lan Wangji uncovered the wounded wrist he closed his eyes and took a calming breath. Even though he did, his eyes let go of a few tears. Wei Wuxian had bitten to the bones. He was lucky he hadn't taken out a chunk of his own chair, but this was still on a bad state.

Lan Wangji ignored the cold and the weight of his soaked robes as he held Wei Wuxian's cheeks to meet his eyes. Frightened and confused, Wei Wuxian stared back at him. At least it was with some recognition now.

“Co-cold.”

"Don't give him Qi. Not right now," his uncle said, using his sleeve to soak the blood from his wound. He talked in short sentences as he couldn't breathe from his nose. "You'll only worsen the situation. Stay here a bit longer. Keep him calm. I'm coming back."

Lan Wangji nodded silently, shuddering more from his recent fright than anything else. Focusing back on Wei Wuxian he saw him staring at his wound. Mouth agape, he seemed incapable to wrap his mind around what had happened.

“Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian looked up at him, his tremors visible, and embraced himself before collapsing on Lan Wangji. “What- what did I-?”

“I'm here,” Lan Wangji murmured, embracing the shuddering body. He caressed the other's shoulders to comfort the both of them. Lan Wangji had been sure it was total Qi deviation and he'd seen Wei Wuxian eat himself to death but Wei Wuxian was calmed down. Wounded, but alive. “I'll take care of you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies, apologies, I was really not happy with the first version. It's made me... mad.  
> so I did it again.  
> and here's a better version *contented sigh*  
> now i'll be going to bed (i worked faster than lightning!)


	9. Chapter 9

It was at the sound of footsteps that Lan Wangji opened his eyes. Lan Xichen arrived soon after with dry clothes for the both of them and announcing their younger cousins were warming his room and preparing a bed while Lan Qiren went to fetch the physician.

Nodding, Lan Wangji left the cold spring with Wei Wuxian clutched to his side, completely silent and letting himself being undressed and dressed back by the two brothers.

“Wangji, what-”

“Qi dysregulation,” Lan Wangji answered as he dried Wei Wuxian's hair. “Soon to be....”

He didn't finish his sentence as he looked down at Wei Wuxian, shaking and staring straight ahead, his lips clicking together because of the cold. Obediently, he held onto his wrist with a bandage Lan Xichen had put there and asked him to press into his wound.

"It was the total Qi deviation soon, isn't it? I can't imagine another cause." Lan Xichen sighed profoundly. "I'm glad you caught him before he slipped too far." He paused anew, eyes staring at nothing. Lan Wangji wondered if he thought about his friend from the Nie sect, so susceptible to Qi deviation. "Now, let's get him warm."

Lan Wangji nodded and shook Wei Wuxian's shoulder in hope to make him move.

"Carry him, Wangji. He's not totally here," his brother said, taking back the soaked clothes. Those words stabbed Lan Wangji. He took a deep breath and his brother froze at that. "Oh, I'm sorry, Wangji! He will be fine. He's in shock this is all, take him to your room so the physician can take care of his wound. Go, brother."

●

"Well, he bit to the bone, but I'm glad he didn't tear the flesh away or he wouldn't be able to use his hand again," the physician commented. "I can do something. Please, stop hovering above my shoulder. Sit down."

Lan Wangji did so as the physician huffed that he wasn't like that normally. It was true, but Lan Wangji couldn't help wanting to be closer to Wei Wuxian. His eyes came back to Wei Wuxian a few time. The teen never met his eyes, he seemed somewhere else, at least in mind. In his uninjured hand, he played with Lan Wangji's ribbon. It was stained and lan Wangji hadn't managed to take it back, he hadn't wanted to tug to harshly on it either.

He breathed out and forced himself to follow a few breathing exercises, finally staying immobile until his brother called him. The young man forced himself not to stomp on the ground and snarl at being forced away from Wei Wuxian. With a stone cold face, he opened the door and then he stood in front of it like a guardian.

“Uncle wants to talk to you.”

Lan Wangji tensed, his whole body hardening as the anger coursed through him. Maybe his uncle had helped and opened his eyes to Wei Wuxian's problem but he was the one that drove him on edge – purposefully – only to see how he'd react to Jiang Cheng's mention. Lan Xichen sighed and nodded before he patted Lan Wangji's head.

"He knows he did wrong and wants to talk on how to keep Wei Wuxian safe now," his brother said in a soothing voice. "I will keep watch over him while you are away. Please, tell uncle your feelings about his actions. Ruminating them wouldn't be good for you. Go now."

Even if Lan Xichen had used a gentle tone, the order was clear. Worried, Lan Wangji couldn't help the gut-wrenching fear he had at the idea of leaving Wei Wuxian behind him. His brother caressed his head again then slightly pushed on his back so he'd start walking. Lan Wangji obediently did so, marinating in a mixture of negative feelings.

He noticed his little cousins, hiding behind a wall and looking at him leave the room.

When he arrived, his uncle stood from his desk and meet him in the middle. His clothes were still stained of his blood and Wei Wuxian's, the middle of his face was in many hues of blue and violet but it was clean. The colours were still soft as the bruising slowing revealed itself but it already stood up against his pale skin. Lan Wangji was quite shocked by his uncle appearance but he was even more surprised by the bowing.

"You asked for us to open your eyes and I did not. I apologise for my wrongdoing and hope to fix it," his uncle said first as Lan Wangji reeled back from his surprise. "Jiang Cheng told me Wei Wuxian was surely preparing something rather than running away. Then I saw Wei Wuxian's behaviour when I found the both of you and I had suspicions. Rather than being patient, I pushed Wei Wuxian too far. I didn't expect to trigger this. You are angry, isn't it?"

Lan Wangji nodded, his eyes glancing away from his uncle for the simple fact of looking at him made his stomach curl and twist.

"I understand," Lan Qiren said, nodding to himself before waving to his desk. He motioned for Lan Wangji to sit down and poured some tea for the both of them. “I have a question: why didn't you come to me directly?”

“Wei Wuxian said he would deny,” Lan Wangji answered before taking a sip of the warm tea. “It would have put the gusulan sect in trouble to accuse Jiang Cheng of such things.”

He froze when he saw his uncle look at him from above his teacup with the stare of a predator having caught his prey.

"A person not wanting to betray their abuser can't be helped in the state of the world," Lan Qiren said. "Yet, I have found you and Wei Wuxian hiding in the secluded area after having told the rumour he had run away."

Lan Wangji gulped, looked away and splayed his hands on his thighs like it could help him not wring them in embarrassment.

“Do tell me the reason?”

“He didn't want people to know.”

Lan Wangji wondered if Wei Wuxian was still awake. If he was comfortable too.

“Which shouldn't have stopped you from telling me or Madam Li.”

Outside of the room people passed by. One disciple asked if he could talk to Lan Qiren – giving time to Lan Wangji to breath in and out a few time to calm down. The young man left when Lan Qiren deemed that his problem could wait for the next day.

“Why didn't you tell us, Lan Zhan?”

Inside, Lan Wangji was torn between leaving to get back to Wei Wuxian and the embarrassment of having disappointed his uncle.

“Lan Zhan,” he said gravely.

“I didn't want him to hate me,” Lan Wangji whispered, closing his eyes.

Lan Qiren sighed, “Youngsters. Emotions uncontrolled and not thoughts upon in a careful manner can make us do foolish things. What do you think would have happened after you left seclusion?”

Lan Wangji stared at a tiny stain on the parquet in silence for a long time. Lan Qiren waited patiently and Lan Wangji relented, “This disciple does not know.”

“Obviously, you did not think of the consequences. You are a great strategist on night hunt, but your plans concerning your kind are...” Lan Qiren sighed, “... dreadful.”

There was a part of Lan Wangji that remarked interiorly that cultivators – or even humans – shouldn't fight each other, but he knew the world wasn't his ideal.

“What will happen?”

His uncle poured more tea for himself and fanned his face, the broken nose surely being warm and uncomfortable.

"I thought about it. Telling Jiang Fengmian I kept Wei Wuxian as a disciple in remembrance of his mother and rejecting Jiang Cheng would be a slap in his face. Notwithstanding he could easily refuse." He picked up his tea and took a sip. "I could have used the Qi dysregulation, but Jiang Fengmian sees Wei Wuxian as his kid, he would have wanted him back, or at least that his disciples stay – Jiang Cheng included – to help him."

“What if he-” Lan Wangji didn't finish his sentence, the simple idea making him sick in Wei Wuxian's place.

"What if Jiang Fengmian doesn't care about Wei Wuxian as much as the rumours say?" Lan Qiren provided for him. He fanned his face again, closing his eyes a second, "I thought about it. He would take back Wei Wuxian anyway to hide his son's behaviour like so many Wen tried to do. Which make us come to the next possibility: hide Wei Wuxian, push the idea he ran away and change his identity like we did for so many women."

“It wouldn't work.”

“Indeed, not with someone as known as Wei Wuxian.”

"He wouldn't live well in hiding either," Lan Wangji added. Hiding and changing his whole identity wasn't for him.

“I wonder if I should be happy or terrified  that women are easier to make disappear,” his uncle said idly. “Anyway, I have sent a message to the sect leader Jiang Fengmian; Wei Wuxian is betrothed to you and will stay at the Cloud Recesses. There's no reason for him to decline as Wei Wuxian is a simple servant's and rogue cultivator's son and you are the second son of a sect leader.” Lan Wangji felt his chest expand that his idea would work in the end. "Do not look so proud of yourself! We should have come to this conclusion with peaceful minds and created the decoy while every person involved in the act knew it was _one_.”

Shifting his weight to – unsuccessfully – try to get away the pressure in his chest at being reprimanded, Lan Wangji stared above his uncle's brow as to make him think he was looking at him, but was able to avoid his eyes.

“Uncle-”

The adult pinched his lips, tilted his head toward him, "Wei Wuxian just had a spike of Qi dysregulation, Lan Wangji. He is in no state of mind to make such decisions. For now, it is only an act to keep him here. I want him to be clear of mind when accepting a marriage proposal. And you too, understood?"

Lan Wangji opened his mouth to complain but his uncle told him coldly to think before speaking and he did. His marriage proposal might have been backed up by true feelings but it was done from desperation and panic. Wei Wuxian accepted it to stay safe more than anything else. It hurt Lan Wangji, but none of them had been genuine in their intentions.

"Lan Wangji," his uncle called, his voice full of sympathy, putting a hand on his shoulder a short instant because of the table between them. "I can see you care for him, but Wei Wuxian might change without the pressure put on him by Jiang Cheng. Maybe he won't be this unruly child yet kept his carefree spirit that we can both appreciate or maybe he'll be someone else that you won't love anymore."

"I understand," Lan Wangji said even though it was hard to accept it.

Lan Qiren nodded, "Good. Now, I need to know which type of abuse he was subject too. Physical?" Lan Wangji titled his head minutely. "Emotional?" Lan Wangji sighed. "Sexual?" Lan Wangji breathed in, anger flaring in him, while Lan Qiren sighed, "All three then. Oh, Wei Wuxian."

The man shook his head and lifted his hand to his face – surely to pinch the base of his nose – but stopped before hurting himself.

“He'll have to sleep somewhere else then.”

“He can stay in my room.”

"No," Lan Qiren said. "What if he tries to sleep with you for the wrong reasons?"

Lan Wangji pinched his lips, “He tried.”

"And what did you do?" his uncle asked, his mood becoming sombre.

“I held him until he fell asleep,” Lan Wangji answered, feeling hurt that his uncle could doubt his character.

"What if he tries again and you want it too this time?"

Lan Wangji shifted his weight again, embarrassment growing in him, "I wanted too, last time."

Another long-suffering sigh escaped his uncle's mouth, "Such a mess... I'll talk to Madam Li, see how we should do. As the current head of the White Chrysanthemum house, she'll know better than us. But for now, Wei Wuxian will stay with you. He needs someone safe to tether him. I have a few exercises to regulate one's Qi, but it needs a safe person." Lan Wangji wondered if it was like dual cultivation. "It's not dual cultivation. It's being an anchor while the other person works on untying the knots and smooth out any spikes and make the Qi flow back on the right path. Do you accept? It can be draining."

Lan Wangji nodded without hesitation and took the booklet his uncle gave him with techniques that would help someone find back a stable Qi. Skimming through the pages, Lan Wangji found out that different emotions induced different types of Qi deviation. The one the Nie were subject to was born from anger, bloodlust and an external force that most of the Nie disciple wouldn't get ride off, one of the worst kind to deal with.

"How is he?" Lan Qiren asked after Lan Wangji closed the book and promised to start those exercises only in Lan Qiren's presence.

“I let him with the physician,” Lan Wangji answered in a clipped tone.

Lan Qiren waved his fan toward the door, “Then go back. I'll handle any possible problems the Yunmengjiang sect would make.”

Lan Wangji nodded, glad that at last his uncle knew and acted to make sure Wei Wuxian would be kept safe. He turned on his heels and left his uncle to his own thoughts. He had a – lover? Betrothed? - to take care off.

As he came in sight of the jingshi he paused a moment. Lan Xichen was playing a soft tune on his guqin and was accompanied by Lan Chi on her ehru. One of the oldest sister-disciples – not yet an adult – was serving tea for them and Lan Ming was eating all the sweets that fell under his hands.

"Ah, Wangji," Lan Xichen called when he came near. "The physician told us the period of sleep an consciousness would be in disarray for a while. He is going to take care personally of Wei Wuxian's wound for a few days but if his directives are respected he should make a quick recovery and keep a functioning hand."

“He said to play him something sweet if he became angsty,” Lan Ming said.

“Don't talk your mouth full,” Lan Xichen and their oldest sister-apprentice scolded.

Lan Wangji nodded at them and went inside his bedroom. It was cast in the dark, all stores closed but a light put on near the bed. Wei Wuxian was snuggled in his blanket like the last time he slept there, his dark eyes lifted to Lan Wangji and yet no words left his mouth. It hurt Lan Wangji's heart as much as the trembling breath the young man took before putting his hand on his face to hide it.

He kneeled next to the bed and took away Wei Wuxian's hand then brushed the strand of hair on his cheek.

“Lan Zhan, I think-... I think there's something wrong with me. Inside me,” Wei Wuxian whispered like it was a secret. “I think my Qi is all wrong.”

Lifting his hand to caress the other's cheek, Lan Wangji nodded, “We'll make it heal.”

Wei Wuxian clutched at his hand, “...believe you.”

Tiredness suddenly washed over Lan Wangji. Now that he knew that Wei Wuxian was back in a somewhat right mind, that he would stay in Cloud Recesses, the tension in his body disappeared and with it all the cords it had been holding to keep Lan Wangji standing. He disregarded his upper robe and crawled into the bed, his hands trembling and his eyes prickling.

"Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian questioned while Lan Wangji hugged him.

“Was scared,” he mumbled into Wei Wuxian's hair, relieved at least to feel the other's warmth.

“Sorry.”

Lan Wangji sighed and draped his arms around Wei Wuxian's shoulders, “Scared for you.”

Curled up around Wei Wuxian, a hand on his back, just under where his heartbeat, Lan Wangji calmed down for good.

●

The mornings were starting to be cold Wei Wuxian noticed as he wandered away from Lan Wangji's bedroom, curious about the private parts of the Lan family. He clutched the coat around his shoulders and hoped no one would scold him for taking it from Lan Wangji's clothes. He had wanted to move – pushed by the physician's recommendation earlier – but kept on shivering.

Behind him, the sounds of soft kids' footsteps amused him. Since they trailed him he kept stopping and looking behind him like he leisurely observed the place. Sometimes he caught a flash of white robes.

“If you are here to watch over me, come closer. It'll be better to talk to you rather than being surveilled like a criminal,” Wei Wuxian called.

“You aren't a criminal, Wuxian-xiong,” Lan Chi said, popping her head out of a room. “Xichen-xiong told us to not bother you.”

“Why are you following me then?” he asked, waving at them to come closer with his uninjured hand.

Now fully visible, Lan Chi exchanged a glance with Lan Ming. They trotted to him and Lan Ming took the hand he wasn't keeping close to his stomach to avoid bumping it on pieces of furniture or walls and injure himself.

“We were worried,” Lan Ming said, squeezing his hand.

“Why are you out?” Lan Chi asked. “You should rest.”

“The physician told me that if I stayed in bed too long he'd kick me out of the room,” Wei Wuxian answered, walking again.

“Today?” Lan Chi asked, inquisitive. “You were hurt yesterday.”

"It's nothing too awful," Wei Wuxian reassured with a smile even though the reason he got hurt made him nervous. If Lan Wangji hadn't found a way to stop his breakdown his own Qi would have killed him.

“Do you want to have tea and biscuits with us?”

Wei Wuxian hummed, lost in thought on how to get his Qi back in a good flow. It was so unstable he felt it stop in his veins before starting back. The dysregulation troubled his vision and his equilibrium.

“I want to walk a bit more,” he murmured after a while. Lan Ming squeezed his hand and they advanced in silence. His mind was kind of fuzzy and he wasn't looking where he was going. A few time Lan Ming tugged on his hand or Lan Chi stepped almost in front of him to make him avoid her and the wall he was walking into. When he finally realised he stopped, “Mn. Sorry.”

“Let's go eat, Wuxian-xiong,” Lan Chi murmured, lifting her head to meet his tired eyes. “We aren't in the Lan's quarters anymore. Let's go eat.”

Wei Wuxian nodded and patted the little girl's head. He grimaced when the move woke up his bite wound on his wrist and recalled why he kept it close to his stomach.

“Wei Ying!”

Startled, Wei Wuxian looked up at the young disciple coming to them. Lan Chi pushed him to the side, but Wei Wuxian didn't move. Part of his mind was cuns away. He only stood idly, his mind fuzzy, as Jiang Cheng came nearer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn the chap got long o.o  
>  ~~the whole story became looong *insert a scream as long*~~  
>  also: damn Lan Qiren you're talking more than Wei Wuxian! and you have a broken nose! how can you do that? (plot armour that why)


	10. Chapter 10

Jiang Cheng features only showed worry, he dragged Wei Wuxian in a hug before the other's mind came to reality.

"Where were you? The first day I thought you went hunting or playing in the town but- but you never came back." 

Jiang Cheng pulled back, holding onto Wei Wuxian's shoulders. He glanced at the kids but quickly ignored them.

“Wei Ying?”

“Bah, you know me,” he said, his mouth taking the relay even if his thoughts were flying high above. “Chaos fall on me.”

“You provoke the chaos, you idiot,” Jiang Cheng said in a tone that was between fondness and mockery.

"It's more fun that way," Wei Wuxian answered, chuckling even though his vision wavered and a tingling sensation above his heart annoyed him. Jiang Cheng's image got distorted like Wei Wuxian observed him from behind a wall of water. 

“Wuxian-xiong, let's get some tea-”

"Go away, kid," Jiang Cheng snarled effectively making Lan Ming run away. "Why didn't the Gusulan clan told me he came back? We're leaving tomorrow and I thought I'd have to tell my father Wei Wuxian was lost. Don't your sect have any honour?" 

The tone of voice made Wei Wuxian shook out of his daze a bit, “Jiang-”

"Shut up!" Jiang Cheng spat, grabbing onto Wei Wuxian's wrist, the one wounded. Wei Wuxian let go a moan of pain, curling up on himself. Like a weather vane hit by wind, Jiang Cheng changed attitude, with soft words he asked, "Wei Ying? Are you hurt? What happened exactly?" 

Wei Wuxian didn't answer yet, focusing on breathing, curling on himself and trying to get back his wounded limb. Jiang Cheng wasn't holding on his wrist anymore but on his forearm and didn't want to let go.

“Wei Ying,” Jiang Cheng called with a gentle voice. “You know you can lean on me.”

Jiang Cheng's caring demeanour made Wei Wuxian choke up. He wanted to reach for him and have another hug, for Jiang Cheng to claim he would be good to him and take care of him. Yet all the memories of Jiang Cheng being everything else than carrying froze him on the spot. 

The other took his face in his hand, his thumb caressing his face and Wei Wuxian felt all the strings inside him holding him upward falter. He trembled, his breathing becoming short and quick as fear and want fought inside of him. 

“Wuxian-xiong,” Lan Chi called as she pulled on his robe. “You're bleeding again. Let's see the physician.”

It was like lighting touched him, Wei Wuxian looked away from Jiang Cheng's affectionate eyes and glanced down at the little girl still present. He peaked at his wrist. The bandages were soaked in fresh blood from Jiang Cheng's hold earlier.

“Uh, yeah, I'll-”

“I'll accompany you,” Jiang Cheng stated firmly, his other hand still clenched on Wei Wuxian's forearm.

“It's fine, it's fine,” Wei Wuxian said, waving at Jiang Cheng and chuckling.

“Stop it. I know you're hiding something and this time it's not for laughs,” Jiang Cheng hissed, pulling Wei Wuxian closer to say that at his face.

"Young master Jiang Cheng, please be gentle with Wei Wuxian as he is wounded," Lan Qiren said coldly, Lan Ming peaking his head from behind his leg. 

Wei Wuxian stared at Lan Qiren's face, the features around his nose were in all hues of blues and violet. The shuddering of his body got worse as quick images came up to his mind. He had wounded the man.

“What happened to you?” Jiang Cheng asked in surprise before being polite. “-Lan-laoshi.”

"I had to take care of some troubles yesterday. It is in the past now," Lan Qiren said dismissively. "I will accompany Wei Wuxian, no need to bother yourself. Take the time to prepare for your departure tomorrow." 

Jiang Cheng's face contorted but he lowered his head and nodded, not brave enough to argue against a teacher he respected. He joined his hands and bowed to the man, glanced at Wei Wuxian, eyes becoming huge when he noticed Wei Wuxian's other 'bandage', then left. Wei Wuxian glanced down at his uninjured wrist. He tugged at the ribbon with clouds and recalled having clutched it so long Lan Wangji just gave up taking it to clean it up. There were still pink stains from his own blood when he had lost his mind.

Wei Wuxian breathed out, clutching his injured arm to his stomach and his other hand covering it. The spikes of pains helped him stay there.

“Wei Y-” Lan Qiren started before coughing slightly. “ Wei Wuxian, don't hold your wrist like this, you're hurting yourself.”

Wei Wuxian blinked and lifted his eyes to the man. He looked away at the kindness in the man's expression. Lan Chi tugged on his sleeve and slid her hand between his hand and his wrist gently. She smiled lightly like Lan Wangji would if he did once and then she patted his uninjured arm.

"Let me accompany you," Lan Qiren said. "Lan Chi, Lan Ming, go back to your studies," he ordered before guiding Wei Wuxian away with the hand on his shoulder. It was only a soft weight on his shoulder and not a pressing force so Wei Wuxian followed obediently. "I have sent a letter to Jiang Fengmian about your 'betrothal' and demanded that you'd stay here in the pretence to teach you manners and curb your unruly demeanour not suited for a Lan's spouse. But I have conditions for you – don't freeze! – one is that you will meet Madam Li, the actual head of the White Chrysanthemum pavilion." 

Wei Wuxian stopped in the middle of his step, stumbling on his own feet. He looked up at the man with eyes huge from his surprise, “You- you...”

Lan Qiren looked down at him with a worried frown, "Oh. Yes, I do know the reason you want to stay. Your whole demeanour yesterday was enough for me to understand after Jiang Cheng tried to influence me and thinking about the last months." 

"I don't want to talk to this lady," Wei Wuxian said. "I- I don't even-... you. I don't want to talk to anyone." 

Lan Qiren resumed their walk and nodded, “I did not say you had to talk to her, let her do so, she loves it. You only have to meet her.”

Wei Wuxian glanced up at Lan Qiren when he paused. He was on the side of his injured limb and served as a buffer if Wei Wuxian strayed out of his path and suddenly walked toward a wall. 

Wei Wuxian nodded when he realised what Lan Qiren waited for. He bit on his tongue, all his proclivity for conversations blown out of his mind. He felt like an empty shell. 

"Good. Next, I want you to realise – and I cleared things up with Lan Wangji – that this betrothal is false." 

"I don't want to get married anyway," Wei Wuxian mumbled. Married to him? Lan Wangji was mad. Maybe Wei Wuxian loved the handsome and intelligent young man, that he wanted to mess up his hair and kiss his lips, but marrying him was out of the question. Lan Wangji deserved an unsullied, well mannered and soft partner that would bring the best out of him, "I don't want to hurt him." 

“I talked to him. You don't have to risk hurting him. He knows he made a mistake, but I want you both to understand that you are young, maybe in love, but not even close to be in age for a marriage,” Lan Qiren said, sighing at the idea they could be really in love. “As the time goes, you might even fall in love with someone else.”

Wei Wuxian slowed down his pace, “I'll have to leave if it happens?”

“Rest assured the Gusulan sect will still welcome you, Wei Wuxian,” Lan Qiren comforted. “I want you to know you can change your mind and fall out of love with Lan Wangji.”

“You want him to find a good wife,” Wei Wuxian corrected, irritation growing in him and tiring him even if he knew he wouldn't be a good spouse. But it was different to hear someone tell him that. “Because I'm a man and not like all the gusulan disciples and not proper in mind or in body or-... or anything. I'm just no good, isn't it?”

“Wei Wuxian,” Lan Qiren called firmly. “Calm down.”

“Why bother with me? Why-why not just send me back to Lo-Lotus Pier?” Wei Wuxian yelled, facing the man near him and shaking all over. “You-you don't even _care_!”

“I do care. You are young and were wronged without anyone helping you,” Lan Qiren said firmly, his hand holding onto Wei Wuxian to stop him from running away.

"You-you think my the-theories are wrong and even evi-vil," Wei Wuxian hissed, swatting away the hand on his shoulder as his own stuttering augmented his anger. What was wrong with him? "Why you'd ca-care for me? And it's not like- it's not- I mean even- argh!" Wei Wuxian roared at his own thoughts he couldn't align. He hit his head with one hand to put everything back in order in there but Lan Qiren stopped him the second time. 

“Wei Ying-”

Wei Wuxian crouched down to get away from the hold and the appellation. It always made him shiver and curl up, but this time thoughts of Jiang Cheng hissing this name added themselves to the reaction. 

“Focus on your breathing,” Lan Qiren said, crouching next to him and talking with a controlled tone of voice. “Deep breaths through your nose, hold in and exhale.”

Wei Wuxian tried to follow the advice but his throat seemed blocked by a big rock and his whole body started trembling. He lowered himself, kneeling on the ground rather than squatting and desperately tried to find his breath. He didn't know what happened, his body had never failed him like such. 

A warm arm draped over his body, strong and bigger than his. Lan Qiren pulled Wei Wuxian to his chest as he sat on the ground on the middle of the corridor without any hint of care for the sight they'd make. Surprised, Wei Wuxian didn't struggle. The warmth wasn't from transmitted Qi and yet it was enough to stop his chill. 

Lan Qiren held Wei Wuxian's head to his chest, his hand on Wei Wuxian's ear. The other was filled by the calm thrumming of a steady heart. Somehow, Wei Wuxian was certain that Lan Qiren did it on purpose. 

“Good boy,” he said after a while, patting Wei Wuxian's head.

“Sorry,” Wei Wuxian murmured. “I never do that. I never-”

“You have some of your father's reactions,” Lan Qiren sighed. “He would bear great stress without any hint of suffering until he reached his limit and became a mess for a while. You went beyond this foolish part of him and ended with _Qi_ _deregulation_." Another sigh then. "Though, at first glance, your personality is all Cangse-sanren even in your way to push cultivation's boundaries in an attempt to – I hope – understand the roots of them.”

Still breathing heavily, Wei Wuxian stared at the man in stunned silence for a while. Did he just imply his theories weren't bad per se? And most importantly, “You knew my parents?”

“Most of the cultivators of my generation knew them,” Lan Qiren corrected. “They were quite the attraction. A couple made to create chaos if you ask me. But yes, I was close to Cangse-sanren before she found the perfect partner that let her – and even encouraged! - her wildness.”

“Uncle Jiang Fengmian didn't like to talk about them,” Wei Wuxian confessed. “It made him sad, so I never asked about them.”

Lan Qiren stood up, dusted of inexistent dirt from his robe and held a hand for Wei Wuxian, "We will correct this mistake then, but later. For now, you need rest. Not to wander around." 

"I get bored," Wei Wuxian sulked, but still taking the hand. "Lan Wangji won't be able to stay with me all day, isn't it? He wouldn't abandon his studies. That's not him. That'd be no good if he did so." Wei Wuxian's thoughts still weren't right and his mouth didn't run quick enough to say them all. 

"No, he won't stay with you all day. Like you won't stay in the jingshi doing nothing when the physician will deem you sufficiently healed. You will follow my classes still, meet Madam Li a few times a week and find other reasonable activities." 

Wei Wuxian huffed, he had quite a few activities in head and most - if not all - of them broke rules, "I'll get bored." 

"Stop mumbling. You are a bright cultivator, walk and talk with dignity," Lan Qiren said, tapping him a bit in the back. "Stand straight." 

Wei Wuxian groaned and stopped slouching on himself.

“Last, but foremost, Lan Wangji isn't the only person you can count on. Do not give him all your problems to shoulders on.”

“No problem,” Wei Wuxian said, smiling. “I never have any problems I can't deal with all by myself.”

Lan Qiren looked at him sternly and Wei Wuxian realised his stupidity, "Don't shoulder all your problems by yourself either. There are people here to help you, me included and Lan Xichen if you'd prefer someone close to your own age." 

Wei Wuxian nodded, then took refuge into Lan Wangji's bedroom and under his bed, curling up on himself on the mattress and filling his nose with the odour of Lan Wangji. The other would get sick of him and his impulsivity, but for now, Wei Wuxian took comfort in what he had, stubbornly ignoring what he was currently losing by choosing to stay in the Cloud Recesses. 

●

"The exercises to heal the Qi are different from meditation," Lan Qiren said firstly when they meet him a few hours later. He waved for them to take place in front of his desk where two cushions where. "Sit down and be comfortable. Do you have an idea of calming tune you want to use? You need to find it pleasing, both." 

Lan Wangji made his sleeves flew back so they'd fall nicely behind him as he kneeled on the ground. He already put his guqin on his lap. Wei Wuxian let his ass fell on the cushion and sat cross-legged but at least tried to have his back straight. 

“Sit properly,” Lan Qiren admonished.

"I don't feel comfortable if I do," Wei Wuxian moaned, abandoning the fight to keep his back straight and leaning back on his arms. "What's the most important then: being comfortable or sitting properly?" 

He looked up at Lan Qiren who sipped at his calming tea with eyes closed as he pondered.

“Being comfortable,” he finally relented.

Wei Wuxian smiled brightly and flopped down on the ground. He rolled over on his side, interlaced his fingers into Lan Wangji's left sleeve and hummed to himself. Lan Wangji changed slightly the thrumming of his guqin to accommodate Wei Wuxian's humming. 

"You know when my parents died I was hurt. An old woman took me but she wasn't a cultivator or well versed in the healing arts, so my hip never healed quite right," Wei Wuxian started babbling. "Sometimes sitting too long hurt." 

Lan Wangji's tune got higher. Wei Wuxian glanced at him.

“Why not start by that?”

Wei Wuxian shrugged, "It's not something important to dwell on so I don't talk about it." 

“No, I mean in your healing,” Lan Qiren corrected. “Though, it would have been useful to know before then.”

Wei Wuxian stared at Lan Wangji's profile. He was starting to draw a pattern on his guqin.

“Don't understand. It's an old wound.”

Another pulled string resonated in a high pitched tone. Wei Wuxian pulled gently on the sleeve he held and smiled at the young man when he glanced down at him.

“And it must have been the first knot on your Qi,” Lan Qiren explained.

“Shouldn't meditation have remedied with it?”

“Did you read the book?”

"No, or I would have been compelled to use the techniques," Wei Wuxian said, smiling brightly. "Would you teach me, Lan-laoshi?" 

The man let go of a soft sigh and shook slightly his head with fondness. It took Wei Wuxian by surprise.

"Ah, why did I even think you could be easier to tame than your mother?" he said, though he seemed to address himself in the past. "Meditation works wonders for a healthy body and is used to harness ones' emotions and thoughts. It effectively helps to regulate Qi as a healthy mind doesn't hinder the flow in your body. A healthy mind doesn't make tension remain in your body which would hurt him in the end. If the mind and the body are healthy, the flow of the Qi is too, but if one is hurt, it will knot, cut or inverse the flow of the Qi. The mind and the body can heal without you noticing the problems in your Qi's path until it increases too much and harms body and mind." 

Wei Wuxian hummed as he thought over those words, “Makes sense. An old wound, but in the Qi. Can it really be healed?”

“Qi is energy,” Lan Wangji spoke for the first time since he sat.

"But, like, a jiidan is a bowl of energy and it can't be recreated after it's lost, so why could we change the flow or path of Qi and not reform a jiidan?" 

"So much like Cangse-sanren," Lan Qiren muttered. "Let's save the question for after the exercise. During meditation you concentrate on your breathing, during a Qi exercise, you must find the flow in you. It is the harder part, but you will notice it." 

“Isn't it like making a spell? You find your Qi and use- oops sorry, no questions! Sorry!”

Lan Qiren nodded at him, glad he had understood and Wei Wuxian smiled sheepishly. He listened to the uncle's explanation, sitting back in a cross-legged manner then with his legs in front of him. He pondered the explanations a moment and decided to test the exercise, even though he believed moving to touch and modify his Qi's flow would be better. 

For now, if the exercise worked even one half it would make him happy and those exercises were a perfect excuse to spent more time alone with Lan Wangji now that he was kicked out of his bedroom – for the one next to Lan Ming's and only a few meters away from Lan Wangji's. 

Later he would praise Madam Li for coming to the same conclusion long ago and helping the girls under her wing with this “Qigong” – Lan Qiren glooming a few meters again.

Wei Wuxian ended up falling asleep for how relaxed it made him. Though, Lan Xichen arrival – his salutation to his uncle made Wei Wuxian recognise him – woke him up. Wei Wuxian still feigned sleep, worried that Lan Qiren would decide he had enough of his sprawling on the ground and kicked him out.

"Jiang Cheng has been asking about young master Wei. He says he's worried we are... forcing him to wed Lan Wangji and that his behaviour pointed to it."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me earlier into writing this fic: I'll never write one of those stupid 'exercice to heal the qi' or come close to explain it  
> me now: *wave hand* *pretend i know my stuff* *confettis*
> 
> sooo... any thoughts about the chapter? it felt less... ugh... interesting? (at least for me)


	11. Chapter 11

Lan Wangji shook gently his shoulder to wake him up. Wei Wuxian pretended to do so – the yawn that escaped him helping.

"Go rest in a real bed," Lan Qiren dismissed him. "I have to talk with my nephews alone. We'll come to fetch you for some matter to be resolved later." 

Wei Wuxian huffed, wondered if he should make a scene, said he'd help but choose to shrug and leave. Wei Wuxian made his way to his bedroom but hesitated there. He bit his lips, wondering how the Lans could get away from such accusations. His behaviour had been really weird the last few days and Lan Wangji had propagated the rumour he had run away. And now he was back, wounded and suddenly betrothed? For an outsider it was weird. 

The gusulan sect forcing people to marry one of them would hurt their reputation. The worse was that they were so discreet about themselves that rumours on the sect were more numerous than stated fact. 

Shuffling his feet on the ground, Wei Wuxian thought. He turned on his heels and went toward the guest disciples' rooms. He could stand his ground in front of Jiang Cheng a few minutes, just the time for him to threaten him in turn.

Before he could find Jiang Cheng he saw Nie Huaisang and Jin Jixuan.

“Ah, Wuxian-xiong!” the younger one called, smiling and saluting him quickly. “We heard you were hurt. What did happen?”

"Nothing to bother you with," Wei Wuxian answered amiably. "Do you know where Jiang Cheng is? I need to clarify with him that I'm staying here of my own volition." 

"I don't understand why he doubts it," Nie Huaisang commented. "Your interest for Lan Wangji was clear for all. It's Lan Wangji's acceptance that stunned us." 

Jin Jixuan huffed and shook his head, “He's jealous, we can see it.”

"Ah, yes," Nie Huaisang said. "Do you want me to accompany you? Jiang Cheng has been really angry the past days." 

Wei Wuxian shifted his weight, chuckling nervously and ready to accept but Jin Jixuan cut him.

"It's not your business, Nie Huaisang. Let sect disciples deal with their problems by themselves." 

Nie Huaisang hunched on himself but nodded then finally gave Wei Wuxian the emplacement of Jiang Cheng. Dragging Nie Huaisang to be his meat shield crossed Wei Wuxian's mind, but he set it aside and walked with determination to the argument awaiting him. If his hands shook at his sides, it was only because of the cold. 

In front of Jiang Cheng's door, Wei Wuxian paused. Knowing he would run off if he didn't act now, he made fists of his hands then walked in without announcing himself. Jiang Cheng tensed from his sitting position as he read, but relaxed the second he recognised him. 

“Wei Ying-”

“I'm staying,” Wei Wuxian interrupted, his heart starting to ascend through his throat. He stared at Jiang Cheng, then turned on his heels.

“No,” Jiang Cheng said sharply, catching up to him. He dragged him back into the room, purposefully clutching on his wounded limb and pushed him down on the ground. “You're coming back with me.”

"They already know!" Wei Wuxian shouted, scrambling to get back on his feet. Jiang Cheng pushed on his chest, ignoring Wei Wuxian's sounds of pain, and then took his wrist again. The spikes of pain didn't deter Wei Wuxian. Even though he didn't find the strength to fight, he could talk, "Jiang Cheng, I'll stay. The gusulan sect won't says anything except if-" 

A hand on his mouth shut him up, his eyes rolled in his head as Jiang Cheng clenched his fist around his wrist. Regret filled his mind. His heart was too preoccupied to deal with the fear. He pulled back his wrist even if it made his wole arm lose strength under the pain and even crawled away from Jiang Cheng. The combined play of tug of war on his arm and game of tag as Wei Wuxian inched away from the young man who followed without problem on his knees had a funny edge in Wei Wuxian's head. 

He chuckled at the situation – more of a nervous reaction than amusement. Jiang Cheng was trying to convince him by his words for now, but he was one finger away from using physical strength – more than what he used here. 

“Except if what?” he waited for a little like he wanted an answer but didn't put away his hand on Wei Wuxian's mouth. “You're nothing and I'm a sect leader's son. I'm going to be leader after my father. So, what if you talk? Do you think people will believe you? Just come back to me.”

“What if they believe me then?” Wei Wuxian hissed between clenched teeth, pulling back again.

"You'll be considered a servant whore," Jiang Cheng stated, saying nothing about his own reputation. "And your marriage with Lan Wangji will never happen-" 

It was true that the second of the twin jade wouldn't be married to someone like Wei Wuxian if his reputation as a 'whore' went out into the whole cultivational world, it would be improper. It would be perfect in Wei Wuxian's mind, he wouldn't have to reject Lan Wangji. 

The wall behind his back made Wei Wuxian's blood froze.

“-and you will be kicked out of this sect into the streets,” Jiang Cheng said, effectively trapping him.

Wei Wuxian snorted, “That won't happen.”

Jiang Cheng reeled back, surprised by his statement absent of any doubts. Although his own certainty surprised Wei Wuxian. 

“I'm sick of it. Why are you here if you don't want me to convince you?”

"Would have worked better without the threats," Wei Wuxian slurred, a mocking grin on his face and yet his heart beating faster. He had made a mistake. He should have turned on his heels after Nie Huaisang said he didn't doubt his will to stay. 

Jiang Cheng stared at him before he moved Wei Wuxian's wounded arm in his back and plunged on his neck to nip at it. Wei Wuxian's breath caught in his throat at the mixture of arousal and alarm. Why had he come?

“So this is what you want?” Jiang Cheng asked. “You want me to convince you?”

He chuckled, the puff of air tingling Wei Wuxian's skin. Panicked, Wei Wuxian pushed on Jiang Cheng's shoulder with his free hand, the other in his back was still held by Jiang Cheng in a trapping embrace even though it was pointless. Wei Wuxian had no strength in his arm to pull it back. 

“Wai-wait!”

Jiang Cheng didn't wait, he closed the distance between their body, and used the arm in Wei Wuxian's back to pull him on his lap.

“Would have worked better if you didn't menace me first!”

"I do that because I want you to be afraid of leaving me," Jiang Cheng said, blocking their hips together. 

“Tha-that's the problem,” Wei Wuxian gritted between his teeth, forcing himself not to get hard when Jiang Cheng palmed his crotch. “Ge-get away.”

Jiang Cheng kissed him, taking his mouth without any consent. He held Wei Wuxian's chin so he couldn't break the kiss by turning his head away though Wei Wuxian managed to keep his teeth firmly clenched. He struggled, his feet slipping on the ground without finding any grip. It made his hips move on Jiang Cheng's hard on – the sensation made Wei Wuxian's shook and tear up. He lifted his free arm only for Jiang Cheng to grab him by his fingers and bend them backwards. Wei Wuxian gasped at the new pain coursing through his arm and Jiang Cheng took the opportunity to invade his mouth with his tongue. The pain in his fingers faded while Jiang Cheng moved his hand.

They were pressed together, no escape possible for Wei Wuxian. His heart was hammering in his chest so loud only one thought could be heard above his angry trashing: get away.

Jiang Cheng hot mouth let go of a few sighs of excitation as he rubbed Wei Wuxian's through his clothes. Wei Wuxian groaned in both anger and arousal. He hated it. Hated himself for enjoying being caressed by Jiang Cheng. He pushed on his feet again to get away.

“Wei Ying,” Jiang Cheng sighed. “Stop struggling.”

Revulsion twisted in his stomach like a writhing worm. Wei Wuxian's feet glided on the ground. Again. A cord holding Wei Wuxian sagacity snapped. Wei Wuxian stopped breathing a second. Blank noise filled his ears. His wrist wound was in agony. Then he bit down. 

Jiang Cheng screamed, the sound muffled by their joined mouths. His whole body tensed and the hand around Wei Wuxian's wrist clutched hard. Wei Wuxian's gasped, releasing Jiang Cheng tongue under the blinding pain.

"You-" Jiang Cheng hissed, his voice all wrong. He avoided hurting his bitten tongue. 

Blood poured from his mouth yet Wei Wuxian was more worried about the glint in the other's eyes. Jiang Cheng released his arm only for both of his hands to wind up around Wei Wuxian's throat. He squeezed harder than ever. On his own throat, Wei Wuxian felt the thrumming of his heart and its change. Still in the same position – on Jiang Cheng's lap and back against the wall – he was trapped. His chest started to burn. His limbs failed around, his fingers trying – and failing – to grab Jiang Cheng's. 

His brain light up, Wei Wuxian turned his torso. The pressure around his throat wasn't as big without Jiang Cheng's thumbs at the base. Wei Wuxian joined his hands, lifted his arm and turned around again. His elbows struck on Jiang Cheng's and forced them down. Everything took two or three breathes to happen.

Wei Wuxian fell on the ground on his side and immediately crawled away. He had to get away. He searched his breath through his burning throat. Jiang Cheng took his shin and pulled him back. 

Behind Jiang Cheng, the door slammed against the wall. 

" _Unhand him_ ," Lan Wangji hissed. 

Wei Wuxian turned to him, faint from his shallow breathing. Lan Wangji hadn't drawn out Bichen entirely. The sun glinted on it – menacing like Lan Wangji's eyes. Jiang Cheng sprung on his own sword and unsheathed it. 

White filled Wei Wuxian's vision. He heard swords clash and then saw Jiang Cheng hit a wall. Some random Lan disciple leaned above him with a worried expression. Wei Wuxian ignored him to look at Lan Wangji.

Jiang Cheng was on the ground holding his sword between Bichen and his neck. Lan Wangji pressed without hesitation, no emotion on his face except determination.

“Lan Zhan-”

Wei Wuxian coughed at the hoarseness and pain. He pushed through the pain and stood up. Near the door he noticed a flawing of yellow clothes and ignored it for the other side of the room. He stumbled, the other Lan kept him upright. He was too scared to stop Lan Wangji but not Wei Wuxian. 

He took hold of Lan Wangji's col and pulled it harshly. The other's eyes rolled in his head, he was going to strike but froze when meeting Wei Wuxian's eyes. They stumbled backwards while the other Lan made himself useful by taking Jiang Cheng sword and keeping him in place. 

" _Why_ -" Lan Wangji demanded, circling his arms around Wei Wuxian's waist in a possessive manner. 

“Leader's son,” Wei Wuxian whispered, lifting his hand to his neck, throbbing with pain.

Wei Wuxian's knees gave up as another white glint blinded him.

●

He woke up in the cold spring, the physician studying his neck while Lan Wangji supported him upward. Wei Wuxian's pressed his back into the other's chest, receiving a soft caress on his stomach under the water.

“Oh.”

"Oh, yes," the old man said, clicking his tongue on his palate. "It will hurt for a few days. Like your wrist. Didn't I tell you to take care of it?" 

“Some people didn't have the memo,” Wei Wuxian rasped, a jocking smile on his lips.

The old man sighed as Wei Wuxian's head rolled on Lan Wangji's shoulder. He saw Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen, both in a heated conversation. He heard Lan Wangji's name a few time and 'fight'.

 _The Gusulan sect and its rules_ , Wei Wuxian thought bitterly and hoping Lan Wangji wouldn't be punished.

They were soon joined by the physician who shook his head like a weather vane.

“I did bad,” Wei Wuxian murmured. His body was so heavy with tiredness.

“The fight was heard,” Lan Wangji said.

Wei Wuxian's mind was slipping into unconsciousness as Lan Wangji took them out of the freezing water. He still understood that some guest disciples knew something had happened between him and Jiang Cheng.

He was too tired to care or think further. Wei Wuxian clung to Lan Wangji and his warmth.

●

Far under them, they observed the guest disciples leave the Cloud Recesses – colourful yellow, purple and black on the stairs. Wei Wuxian had his head cushioned on his arms as he looked at them with mixed feelings. 

Lan Qiren was silent now that he had scolded him for what felt like half the morning. He stood away from them, making sure that all the guest disciples left. He somehow acted like a overzealous guard dog for Wei Wuxian. When he wasn't lecturing him at least. 

“Do you regret?” Lan Wangji murmured.

Even from afar Wei Wuxian could recognise Jiang Cheng way of moving. From whispers around the sect, Wei Wuxian knew Lan Qiren and Jiang Cheng spent a long time in his study room, that several letters were sent and that the young man ended up punished in the hall of the ancestors like Wei Wuxian a few months earlier. Except Jiang Cheng had to kneel for the whole night and repent. 

He lifted his hand to his neck and breathed out.

"About all the other, the food and the liberty around Lotus Pier, sure." Wei Wuxian said, he smiled at Lan Wangji how had followed him when he thought he was discreet in his attempt to observe them all go. There they had meet Lan Qiren.

“You like Jiang Cheng.”

It was only a statement, not a reproach. Only Lan Wangji would manage it when he had been ready to kill Jiang Cheng the day before. Wei Wuxian shrugged and his eyes fell on the silhouette in purple accosted by the one in yellow. Apparently, Jin Zixuan had some words to say to Jiang Cheng. 

“I like Jiang Cheng like a like alcohol,” Wei Wuxian answered, putting his chin in his hand as he leaned on a naturally formed wall of rocks. “It hurts, I don't appreciate it how I would enjoy a good meal, but my eyes, my wants are still drawn to it. Even though I know perfectly it'll make sick.”

Lan Wangji hummed and scooted closer while his expression showed nothing. He seemed to have exhausted all his energy for making smiles or grimaces the last days. Wei Wuxian closed the little space Lan Wangji had left between them. He leaned against the other and put his cheek on his shoulder. 

"You'd be a red bean cake. Pretty on the outside and delicious inside. Unlike alcohol you don't make me a killer headache the morning after." 

Wei Wuxian beamed when he saw Lan Wangji's ears become red. He chuckled and leaned toward him to kiss him.

“No promiscuity!” Lan Qiren shrieked, walking to them only to make a hand movement asking them to separate.

"We're betrothed!" Wei Wuxian retorted. "Innocent kisses on the cheek are allowed, no?" 

"No," Lan Qiren declared. He hit Wei Wuxian's head with his fan – a new accessory he seemed to like even though his nose was healing nicely thanks to the cold spring and the physician. "Although, it makes me think about something. I have set a date to meet Jiang Fengmian concerning your fake wedding. I want to discover if he knew about Jiang Cheng's harrowing behaviour. If no then-" 

“Whatever,” Wei Wuxian interrupted. “I don't want to know. That he knew or not... I don't want to know. Do whatever you think is best: telling him it's fake or no. Whatever." 

Lan Qiren seemed to refrain from commenting about the huge amount of "whatever" in Wei Wuxian's sentence. Maybe because Wei Wuxian felt like a wet towel full of mould and it showed on his face. 

“Now you let me handle things?” Lan Qiren asked. “You didn't felt like I was enough yesterday when you-”

“Uncle.”

Wei Wuxian glanced at the both of them. His startle response hadn't been subtle. He made the semblance of a smile – which came out like a grimace.

"You scolded me enough, uncle," Wei Wuxian asserted, not stopping himself from teasing the man a bit with the appellation. "I know it was stupid. Believe me. I know." 

He sighed, the simple action making his throat upset again.

“Well then, what are you waiting for? Go back to your studies. Read a book or play your instrument, but do not linger here.”

"Don't wanna," Wei Wuxian pouted, extending his arms in front of him so they hang from the natural wall. 

“Don't push me, Wei Wuxian,” Lan Qiren warned, making him the big eyes of irritation.

Wei Wuxian laughed but ran off when Lan Qiren threatened to hit him on his head with the fan again. 

●

Madam Li was a graceful lady with soft features, talking in a mild manner and holding herself like she was nobility. And maybe she was. Her actual name might not have been the one of the family she was born into. Rather than listening intently to what she said about the White Chrysanthemum, the way she helped the people under her wing get better, Wei Wuxian tried to determine which accent she had. She talked the gusu dialect easily, but her first dialect left lingering traces.

"Are you even listening to me?" she asked sternly, though she didn't seem annoyed that much. 

“I am, Madam,” Wei Wuxian lied easily. “Beautiful and intelligent women are a pleasure to listen to!”

“Oh my boy,” she said, shaking her head lightly and smiling. “Aren't you betrothed? Saying such things to other might make your fiance insecure about himself.”

“Lan Wangji shouldn't be, he's clearly the most handsome person around.”

Madam Li beamed at him, surprising Wei Wuxian who thought her a bit distant.

“The Lan's men are quite easy to love, isn't it?”

The change of subject caught Wei Wuxian's attention. She smiled a smile full of playfulness then glanced in a direction on Wei Wuxian's right. He noticed the two silhouettes of Lan Qiren talking to Lan Wangji. Glancing back at her, Wei Wuxian was surprised to see her expression soften and a fond sigh escaped her. Was she infatuated with Lan Qiren? No, it must be love, or her infatuation would have died the moment she saw the stupid goatee. 

“We want to mess up their perfect appearance.”

A big smile spread on Wei Wuxian's face, he wholeheartedly agreed and she chuckled, hiding her mouth behind a graceful hand covered by her sleeve.

“You'd have your chance with Lan-laoshi,” Wei Wuxian said. “You are a very gracious woman and your smile would entrance him out of his stern demeanour.”

She opened her eyes wide and giggled, “Oh my... you are quite the charmer! I can imagine why Lan Wangji was drawn to you, people who have talent with conversation – so unlike himself – have always fascinated him.”

Wei Wuxian stiffened, “People with such talent, yeah.”

Not him, only people who shared his ease for conversations. 

"And yet you are the first he has a romantic interest in," she said in a murmur, looking at the silhouette again. “I wonder what makes you unique in his eyes.”

Wei Wuxian glanced at the two men in white too. He worried his bottom lip, wondering why Lan Wangji had chosen him. What was different in him? Immediately the way Lan Wangji changed his demeanour after he knew of Jiang Cheng's ways came to his mind. He gasped, putting his hand in front of his mouth when Madam Li's eyes fixated on him. 

“What are you thinking?”

"It's... nothing," Wei Wuxian said even though a whole was forming into his stomach and swallowed all his emotions except for disgust. Lan Wangji saw him as a broken thing to take care of. Maybe did he take his urge to protect for a twisted kind of love. It could be possible if it was really Lan Wangji's first crush.

"You are quite pale young man," Madam Li said sternly, channelling Lan Qiren so good Wei Wuxian couldn't help a nervous chuckle. "Considering our situation... are you doubting Lan Wangji loves you? Do you consider yourself unworthy of love?" 

"No, yes. Kinda." Wei Wuxian sighed. "I'm clearly unworthy." 

“Am I then?”

"Why would you be?" Wei Wuxian asked, genuinely taken aback by the cutting tone, his thoughts about Lan Wangji's feelings for him forgotten. "You are graceful, intelligent and well mannered." 

She seemed to relax at those words, but her eyes showed concern, "I thought you believed yourself unworthy because of what was done to you. Many of my girls think that their bodies are now unpure." She shook her head and Wei Wuxian purposefully didn't say that it was part of the reason Lan Wangji was better paired off with someone else. "So what if you aren't graceful or well mannered? You certainly are brilliant and creative. You captured Lan Wangji's heart." 

Wei Wuxian shifted in embarrassment for such honesty was something he got from street merchant girls – not from a woman which a clearly noble education. He glanced back at Lan Wangji that Lan Qiren monopolised right now. 

"Did I though?" he asked in a murmur, relenting to his worries. "Didn't he only wanted a weak thing to take care of? He certainly has a fondness for those stupid rabbits." 

A glance at Madam Li showed her surprised and blinking at him in silence. Wei Wuxian hunched on himself.

“I must say that I cannot answer this question,” she relented, a sigh on her lips.

Wei Wuxian nodded, feeling conflicted that his heart did a loop of excitation when he saw the two Lans stop their conversation and come nearer, Lan Wangji's attention on him even from afar.

“I can only advice you to discuss your feelings with Lan Wangji.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it got long so I cut it  
> and then it got long anew....  
> *sigh* when will this fic come to an end? (answer: when _she_ wants)
> 
> thoughts? wanna hit me with a stick for hurting wwx yet again? (I'm pretty sure I'm gonna throw some more sentences tomorrow because I feel like I forgot something... maybe it's just my oven)


	12. Chapter 12

The darkness the bedroom was set into and the silence of the Cloud Recesses didn't make Wei Wuxian calm. In fact, the silence seemed to weight on his shoulders and his chest, making it hard to breathe. He tried to meditate for once and only managed to realise how fucked up his Qi was.

He rolled around his bed thinking about all the things Madam Li had said – which was mostly reassurance she would understand his hardship and that he could talk to her – but mostly his mind came back to the reasons Lan Wangji loved him.

Madam Li had told him to talk to the other, isn't it?

Wei Wuxian sat straight on his bed, body shivering from a sweat and mind swirling.

_Ask him, yeah._

Mind set, Wei Wuxian left his room in only his inner robes then sneaked around in complete silence – after all he had quite a few nights of this exercise since he was in the Cloud Recesses. The soil was cold and humid under his feet. A cold air made him shiver but wasn't enough to lower his fever. He found his way toward Lan Wangji's bedroom. Wei Wuxian hoped it wasn't one of the night were Lan Wangji had the first part of the night watch.

It was by the window that he hoped inside, his bare feet making an imperceptible soft sound on the wood. Knowing the organisation of the room his eyes flew to Lan Wangji's silhouette immediately. The young man didn't open his eyes to look at him so Wei Wuxian stared at the lifting and falling of his chest.

Staring silently at the sleeping form Wei Wuxian felt like a creep. He walked to the young man, his feet making no sounds and his mind balancing from right to left when his feet were firm on the unmoving ground. He was near Lan Wangji. A creep with the capacity to break the other's neck in his sleep. It'd show him which was the weak one.

The second after this thought crossed his mind, Wei Wuxian stiffened as a wave of fear from himself crashed over him. Electricity shot through him forcing him to hunch over himself as his breath stopped. He shook his head then jumped on Lan Wangji, waking him up. It was better than be alone with a sleeping person.

Lan Wangji opened wide his eyes but Wei Wuxian moved before he could sit. He took hold of the cover put gently on Lan Wangji's chest and pulled it higher. Wei Wuxian used the blanket as restraint, blocking Lan Wangji's mouth in the process. He rolled the edge after a second so Lan Wangji's nose was free.

The other stared at him with eyes huge, body tense under Wei Wuxian.

"Do you think I'm weak?" Wei Wuxian yelled at him, eliciting a frown from the other. "What are you taking me for? A stupid rabbit you need to protect? Do you think I can't fight? I'm not a fragile thing you can pet and put in an enclosure!"

Lan Wangji didn't struggle as Wei Wuxian yelled at him. He still trembled, his cold feet having touched the humid ground. In some part of him, Wei Wuxian recognised he acted madly. In some part of him, he was worried about what he was doing.

"I could make you yield if I fought with all I got!" he spat, still holding firmly on the blanket, maybe even hurting Lan Wangji lower jaw for how much he pressed it downward. Tears trailed down his cheeks through his wide eyes, "I was teasing you! I was teasing you only!"

Wei Wuxian startled at the door opening. He stared at Lan Xichen, forgetting to hold securely the blanket. A full body spasm took Wei Wuxian and he hunched over himself. Lan Wangji sat down, forcing Wei Wuxian on his heels, though he let most of his weight on Lan Wangji's thighs. He put a steady hand on Wei Wuxian's back.

“Are you fine, Wangji, Wuxian?” Lan Xichen inquired in a soft voice.

Wei Wuxian didn't struggle when Lan Wangji's pushed on his lower back to get him closer. He let his arms hang on his sides and put his head on Lan Wangji's shoulder. None of them answered Lan Xichen who took his cue to leave them, murmuring that he would come back later.

“Why do you love me?” Wei Wuxian asked in a bland tone, chilled all over and so, so tired. He snuggled into the other's warmth, soaking it up as Lan Wangji held him close, his strong arms around his back and shoulders, “Why, Lan Zhan?”

The young man didn't answer yet so Wei Wuxian struggled into his hold and pulled back, hissing, “Don't you ever talk?”

He met Lan Wangji's eyes even though his face was shadowed by the night. The soft silver illumination from the moon was enough for Wei Wuxian to notice the creased brown and the tremor in Lan Wangji's lips. The young man looked desperately at Wei Wuxian – his mouth opening and moving without any words coming out of it.

Lan Wangji pushed him away in a careful manner. He stood up and went to get his guqin. Just as he sat down again, Wei Wuxian sprung to his feet. Lan Wangji's fingers on the guqin made a tune that sounded like a question.

A shiver of irritation took Wei Wuxian. He fell to his knees and put his hands on the strings, making Lan Wangji's startle at both the sound it elicited and the action.

"Talk!" Wei Wuxian hissed, his hands clenching around the strings. Lan Wangji immediately curled his own hands around him and pulled them both away from the strings. He didn't meet Wei Wuxian's eyes."Don't try to- … _calm me_!”

Lan Wangji nodded, accepting, though Wei Wuxian knew that the sound Lan Wangji had made wasn't a calming one.

Once again, Lan Wangji got up. This time it was to take out a book hidden into a stash under the parquet. Wei Wuxian would have used this place for a lot more things – like smuggled in emperor's smile – but there was only this. The other kneeled back on the bed and handed him the book. Wei Wuxian read the title in Lan Wangji's calligraphy as the other used his sleeve to wipe away a few tears.

“I don't care about your journal?” Wei Wuxian complained as the tossed the book away. He extended his hand to grab Lan Wangji's hair but stopped at the right time and hit the wooden ground. “Can't you talk? Lan Zhan, can't you talk?”

Lan Wangji looked away, kneeling in front of him but silent. Wei Wuxian was struck by a realisation, he extended his hand once again, the strange chaos of burning emotions in him calming down, drowned by guilt.

“Did I hurt you? Lan Zhan, did I hurt you?” he asked in a trembling voice, cupping the other's cheek.

Lan Wangji shook negatively his head and took his hand, he lowered hit to rest upon his chest. Under his fingers, Wei Wuxian felt Lan Wangji's heart beating madly. Lan Wangji took his other hand and wrote in his palm.

“ _Can't_.”

Wei Wuxian sniffled, fidgeted to find a better position that wouldn't press on his bad hip. He looked up at the book laying on the ground, met Lan Wangji's eyes and went to get it. The tension that set Lan Wangji's shoulders straight went away at that and the guilt came back to Wei Wuxian.

He heard whispers behind the door but ignored them since no one barged inside. He sat in front of Lan Wangji again through the other took the book from him and flicked the page. When he found what he wanted, he gave it to Wei Wuxian, expectation clear in his light coloured eyes.

 

_My heart beat faster, I blush and feel shaky when Wei Wuxian is here. I cannot take my eyes off him and watch his every move. He angers and embarrass me, stirs things in me I did not know of. Elder brother says it is something else than loathing. I do not understand._

 

Curious, Wei Wuxian turned the page for another entry and found a few folded papers. He took one and was met with his own drawing of Lan Wangji. There was the one with the wolf and cock and even one of his begging for Lan Wangji to stop the spell. Lan Wangji's calligraphy was added near the "Lan-er-gege", a simple "like" and the entry on the journal described shortly how Lan Wangji obtained those folded paper. There was a little space before he wrote "I like it. Wei Ying was smiling a lot."

They were entries from before Jiang Cheng had attacked in the Camelia's room. Wei Wuxian huffed in fond irritation. He glanced at Lan Wangji's handsome face and saw him expectant. Wei Wuxian couldn't help smile, warmth replacing the guilt inside him even though awkwardness was part of the deal. He had suddenly attacked Lan Wangji in the middle of the night for silly worries after all.

Wei Wuxian startled when Lan Wangji lifted a hand. The other paused, then cupped both of his cheeks and gazed intensely at Wei Wuxian. Tears menaced to come at the affection and worry written in plain sight in those gem-coloured eyes.

They startled like rabbits when the door was open again. A servant was there with a tray containing a few cups and a teapot, Lan Xichen was just behind him with only a light robe covering his inner robes. Both acted without talking, setting a little table and the cups on them then the servant left the three of them alone.

“I see you have regained your cool, shidi,” Lan Xichen said, seemingly unbothered by the closeness of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, nor that they were all in their inner robes. “It will help you sleep, take it. When you'll be finished I'll accompany you to your room.”

Wei Wuxian hugged his waist and leaned toward Lan Wangji who caught him without hesitation, “Don't want to sleep alone.”

“That why we thought you'd be better in the White Chrysanthemum pavilion,” Lan Xichen said, handing him a cup even if Wei Wuxian was huddling on himself and burying his head in Lan Wangji's chest. “They have shared bedroom between two to four people.”

"I know no one there," Wei Wuxian huffed moodily, taking the tisane anyway. His throat was parched. He straightened a bit, glad that Lan Wangji's arms were still loosely around his waist and then confessed, "I might have snapped the neck of someone I didn't know."

Around his waist, Lan Wangji's arms squeezed him though Wei Wuxian observed Lan Xichen's smile. He didn't lose it, but it stilled before worry marked his brows.

“It does not make me more willing to let you alone with my brother, Wei Wuxian.”

“I know.”

Lan Wangji had his own opinion on the whole thing. He held Wei Wuxian closer and above his head sent a look at Lan Xichen that Wei Wuxian couldn't see. At least it made Lan Xichen's shoulders drop in defeat.

"Fine. I will sleep here with you in case any problem arises." He pouted an instant, sipping his own tisane before thoughts crossed his mind and he smiled. "It recalls me visits to Nie Mingjue."

Surprisingly, Lan Xichen entertained them with tales of his nights hunts with Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao just the time for them to finish the tisanes. Then he ushered them all to bed, two others having been added to Lan Wangji's. The two gusulan disciples fell asleep quite easily, Wei Wuxian could hear their even breathing and saw Lan Wangji's profile relax in his sleep.

At least that what he pretended until he opened slightly his eyes, extended a hand and pulled Wei Wuxian under his cover. First surprised, Wei Wuxian was fondly amused when Lan Wangji snuggled closer until he had his head on his chest. Wei Wuxian hugged him back, trailing his fingers into his hair when he still couldn't sleep.

●

Wei Wuxian had been good during those last days. He hadn't jumped on Lan Wangji to kiss him or tug on his ribbon – the hue of pink still present at Wei Wuxian's disgust – or anything else embarrassing for the older one. He even regained his assigned bedroom after two days of stealing Lan Wangji's – which forced Lan Xichen to sleep with them too as he was still worried. Wei Wuxian understood his fear, he had the same and worked harder on healing himself so he wouldn't harm someone on accident.

Now alone, awakening with a morning wood wasn't so uncomfortable. Wei Wuxian could indulge himself in a little fantasy, isn't it? It wouldn't hurt, embarrass or shock Lan Wangji. Everything would happen in Wei Wuxian's head and stay on his sheets.

Biting on his bottom lip, Wei Wuxian untied the knot on his inner pants. He stroked his length once before he heard someone approaching. As it was far from the gusulan disciples waking hour, there was only one person Wei Wuxian could think off.

“Wei Wuxian, wake up,” Lan Wangji said, coming to make him rise in time for the first meal of the day.

A whine escaped Wei Wuxian and before he could send Lan Wangji's away, the young man entered with worry clear in his eyes – though absent from his face. Wei Wuxian was glad there was still his blanket over himself.

“Mad at me?”

“What?” Wei Wuxian startled at that. He looked at the young man standing a few steps away. Lan Wangji looked like a sad little boy ready to cry.

“You didn't sleep with me.”

Wei Wuxian huffed, amused that Lan Wangji would think that. He glanced at the young man from above his shoulder, startling when Lan Wangji kneeled next to him to put his hand on his forehead.

“Fever.”

"No," Wei Wuxian said, coughing slightly. Why was he still so hard in this situation? "It's okay. Go away."

Lan Wangji blinked, his eyes roaming his body under the blanket. At Wei Wuxian surprise, he frowned, “Are you hurt?”

Wei Wuxian shook his head with energy. He squeaked when Lan Wangji pulled the blanket from him, uncovering his bottom. Wei Wuxian sat quickly and pushed his top above his hard cock, lifting his knees to his chest in another protection. He put a hand on his eyes as to not see Lan Wangji's handsome face.

“Ah, Lan Wangji, go away so I can take care of it! Your pretty face isn't helping me! Far from it.”

Wei Wuxian opened his fingers to glance at the young man when he heard nothing from him for a moment. Lan Wangji was looking away, presenting his profile to him and his very red ear.

“Are you frozen?” Wei Wuxian asked in a little voice. His heart was beating fast in his chest and his cheeks were warm. He lifted a hand to Lan Wangji's face and caressed his temple with his knuckles.

The look Lan Wangji sent him made his breath hitch. The young man's eyes were dark and hungry. He leaned toward Wei Wuxian, pausing when their faces were almost touching like he was questioning. Lan Wangji's hands rested on each side of Wei Wuxian so their chests were facing, but their opposite thighs touched. Wei Wuxian wished that they were in another position.

Wei Wuxian bit on his lips, arousal growing, and Lan Wangji kissed the side of his neck. Wei Wuxian breathed out, the sensation of Lan Wangji's lips on his skin going straight to his groin. His hand flew to Lan Wangji's neck, twining into the fabric to anchor himself.

“Ah, Lan Zhan.”

“You want?” the other asked in Wei Wuxian's ear.

The haorse voice and tickling breathe made Wei Wuxian moan, “Yes!”

Lan Wangji moved and Wei Wuxian snapped back into reality.

"Wait- wait, Lan Zhan, you're not forced to- ngh," Wei Wuxian tried to stop him but Lan Wangji's hand wrapped around his cock and pumped once. Lan Wangji bit under his ear, just enough to make Wei Wuxian gasp.

“Want.”

"Hum," Wei Wuxian hummed, smiling to himself as one of his hand abandoned Lan Wangji's shoulder to find his cock. The clothes bothered him, but he still felt the hardness under his hand when he pressed it. Wei Wuxian purred, "I can feel that."

He moved his leg so he was entirely facing Lan Wangji while he ravished his mouth. Lan Wangji eagerly answered, opening his mouth and playing with his tongue. Wei Wuxian vibrated with pleasure and his tremors make his hands clumsy as he undressed Lan Wangji's lower half to get to his cock.

Lan Wangji stroking his cock didn't help Wei Wuxian focus.

Wei Wuxian pulled back and wanked on Lan Wangji's clothes. He licked his lips as he saw the hard cock poke from under Lan Wangji's top. He swallowed Lan Wangji moans when he touched him.

"Want more," Lan Wangji asked hoarsely after pulling back from Wei Wuxian's lips.

His nose in Lan Wangji's neck, Wei Wuxian froze, “I- I can't. I don't want to have some-something-... being under.”

The older teen pulled back from him, Wei Wuxian closed his eyes at the stabbing pain in his chest. He rejected Lan Wangji first, he couldn't complain to be rejected in return. A light touch on his cheek made him open his eyes again. Lan Wangji was looking at him with a mix of love and care that soothed Wei Wuxian's heart. Next came the lust for Lan Wangji lowered himself to the mattress and looped his fingers into Wei Wuxian's col to pull him down.

Wei Wuxian's breath hitched as he laid on top of Lan Wangji half-way undressed so their sensitive cocks were brushing on each other.

"There are quite a few activities not asking for penetration," Lan Wangji stated before dragging Wei Wuxian into a kiss, his fingers still coiled into the fabric of his inner robe. "You can take me too."

“Woah, my Lan Zhan made research about sex!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, his heart fluttering at the proposition.

Lan Wangji draped his legs around Wei Wuxian's hips, their cocks trapped between the two of them, “I needed it.”

Gasping, Wei Wuxian moved to have more friction. He laughed, “Needed it?”

“To satisfy my partner.”

Lan Wangji was blushing hard under Wei Wuxian.

 _So cute,_ Wei Wuxian thought before leaning to leave a trail of hot kisses on Lan Wangji's throat.

He undid his outer robe and all the other layers to get him bare in front of him. Wei Wuxian straightened to drink on the sight of Lan Wangji, aroused and yet looking still proper. Licking his lips, Wei Wuxian was determined to rustle Lan Wangji and have him utterly debauched when he was finished with him.

Wei Wuxian's mouth found back it's way to Lan Wangji's skin. He kissed the sensitive skin on the throat before making another trail toward his chest. With a slow pace, Wei Wuxian's hand caressed Lan Wangji's cock. He was forced to hold back his lover's hips as they bucked upward, searching for more friction.

The harsh breathing from Lan Wangji wasn't enough for Wei Wuxian. He wanted his lover to be a writhing mess, pleading for him, moaning without restraint. He caressed Lan Wangji's thighs with his other hand, his fingers circled his hole before pushing inside. A sweet cry left Lan Wangji. Not enough for Wei Wuxian.

He kissed those swollen lips that let go a trembling breath and pulled back just as he found the spot in Lan Wangji's ass. Lan Wangji's hands clinging to the sheets wrapped around Wei Wuxian's shoulders suddenly, a gasp escaping his lips. Wei Wuxian played with the magic spot until Lan Wangji was fisting his inner robe, almost tearing it apart, and whimpered on his shoulder.

“Wei Yi-” Lan Wangji cut himself from moaning his name.

Wei Wuxian kissed his temple, “It's okay.”

Lan Wangji shook his head before another moan left his pretty red lips. He tossed his head back, his hips moving, and pleaded, "I want you. I want you, A-Xian."

Wei Wuxian choked up, his lower body in flames. Lan Wangji was panting hard, a deep flush on his cheeks and his eyes glazed over. How could he say no to such a plea when he wanted it as much as Lan Wangji?

Lan Wangji's legs parted eagerly for Wei Wuxian. He aligned his length with Lan Wangji's hole and pushed gently. Proceeding by stages as to not hurt the other, stroking his thighs and murmuring at his ears, Wei Wuxian went fully inside.

“A-Xian, ah, move.” Lan Wangji ordered, pulling on Wei Wuxian's hair to drag him in another kiss.

Wei Wuxian sighed in the kiss and drew back only to slam into the tight hole. He smiled at Lan Wnagji's quiet gasp and worked on getting those intoxicating moans out of his lover's mouth. Wei Wuxian set a slow pace, murmuring praise at Lan Wangji; how pretty he was, how good he took him and what his moans did to him.

Lan Wangji was soon a trembling and helpless mess, pleading softly for more as his fingers dug into Wei Wuxian's back.

Wei Wuxian's shuddered as he snapped into Lan Wangji just as he came. The other tightened around him making him come too.

Getting out, Wei Wuxian panted heavily but was trapped by Lan Wangji's arms around his shoulder, his thighs clenched around his backside.

“Delicious,” Wei Wuxian whispered before giving him a sweet kiss. “Like a red bean cake.”

Lan Wangji huffed, squeezed his arms around him and hide his face in Wei Wuxian's chest. Wei Wuxian gave back the embrace, enjoying the sleepy and languid Lan Wangji currently in his arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it got long again!  
> but... you are happy about it, isn't it? :D (yes praise me for the long chap)


	13. Chapter 13

Lan Wangji wrote silently with swift movements but most of his focus was on Wei Wuxian and his tale of his month out of Cloud Recesses during another of his 'scared woman running away before the wedding' as he called it himself.

"Ah, didi. You came back," Lan Xichen said as he passed by. He entered the jingshi when Lan Wangji nodded at him.

"Hello, big brother!" Wei Wuxian chirped, waving at him.

"How was your visit to the Nie sect? Are my sworn-brother and his brother alright?"

It was now the third time Wei Wuxian 'broke' their betrothal and went to night hunts on his own for weeks or months. At least that was what outsiders were feed. The betrothal was a masquerade since the start and the breaking of it was there only to explain why they weren't married yet and why Wei Wuxian left the Cloud Recesses a few times.

Wei Wuxian had become angsty at the Cloud Recesses and went on nights hunts with other disciples yet didn't found it quite pleasant. Lan Qiren had inferred that Wei Wuxian tried to see if he was really free to go on his own, leave the Cloud Recesses untied and free. Notwithstanding that the Cloud Recesses clashed with his kind of energy. Lan Qiren had finally come to peace with the idea that some people weren't made to live the life of the gusulan sect and authorised Wei Wuxian to come and go as he wanted.

Lan Wangji had been the one angsty about leaving Wei Wuxian alone, worried that Jiang Cheng would find him and hurt him. He wanted for Wei Wuxian to be ever safe with him. He let him go. Wei Wuxian's return always filled him with a melange of relief, excitation and joy. It was a good feeling.

"They're fine," Wei Wuxian answered. "We night hunted a lot. I'm dead tired! But Nie Huaisang improved quite a bit."

Wei Wuxian loved this comedy and always waited for a few guest cultivators before starting the Fight were he wailed and shout at Lan Wangji a lot of nonsense. The Fight had happened once in town, once in front of the gates and one time in the ancestor wall. For the last one, Wei Wuxian really flew out of Cloud Recesses in a rush, Lan Qiren raging about the commotion breaking a hundred rules.

Lan Wangji liked those Fights, Wei Wuxian was full of imagination and threw scenes that entertained the cultivational world for a few weeks - the remaining weeks concerned the rumours about the 'runaway soon to be spouse' whereabouts.

"Though, I had one of those memories that feel like the present. Nie Mingjue was shouting all around, trying to help I guess? But he made it worse."

Lan Wangji squeezed onto Wei Wuxian's hand. The other smiled an squeezed back.

"Nie Huaisang was the one to calm me down. After it, he told me that his brother had been proud of him for the first time in years."

"I'm sorry to hear you have such reactions still," Lan Xichen said. "Though, it explains Nie Mingjue's letter. He isn't the most versatile with words and I didn't quite understand the whole story."

"Did you ask him to send letters about me?" Wei Wuxian interrogated without any hint of anger.

"Well, Lan Wangji wouldn't and he wanted information about your wellbeing," Lan Xichen teased.

"Aw, did you miss me?"

Lan Wangji's heart filled with emotion at Wei Wuxian affectionate teasing, not so different from his brother in its form and yet having an entirely different reaction in him.

"Head tilted to the side, ears red and the hint of a pout," Wei Wuxian said, glancing at Lan Xichen before cooing. "You did! You missed me!"

"It was normal to ask about my betrothed whereabouts," Lan Wangji answered, feeling his ears becoming hot. Notwithstanding that to keep alive their lie, asking the sect Wei Wuxian was sleeping at for his whereabouts and demand that they take care of him during his visit was mandatory. It didn't help that Lan Wangji missed Wei Wuxian in his absence and craved words about him that Wei Wuxian sporadic letters didn't fill.

As a disciple of the gusulan sect, he wasn't as free as Wei Wuxian, officially disciple of the yunmeng sect but acting as a rogue cultivator.

"Wei Wuxian, welcome back," Lan Qiren said, catching their attention. "Did you make new acquaintances?"

"Sure I did!" Wei Wuxian beamed, glad that his easiness for friendliest contact wasn't seen as a flaw anymore. "The members of the Nie sect mostly. I was trying to convince them of trying your technique to heal Qi."

Lan Qiren rolled his eyes while Lan Xichen sighed, "You lost your time, my boy."

"Not with everyone." Wei Wuxian patted Lan Xichen arm from his place sprawled on Lan Wangji. "I forgot to tell you but Nie Mingjue will come in a few days and asked that you'd be the one showing him those technics. He asked grungily. It was kind of cute actually."

Lan Xichen breathed out, eyes huge with shock, "You convinced him? He always said that since Qi deviation from anger was the harder to deal with then trying would be laughable and painful."

"Ah, I only convinced him to try though. You'll have to do the rest, big brother."

Lan Xichen nodded quite a few time before taking his leave, telling them he had a letter to write. Lan Qiren lifted an eyebrow, shook his head the departed too. Lan Wangji patted Wei Wuxian's head, his fingers carding through the hair of his ponytail.

"You're very good."

As a reward, Wei Wuxian grinned widely. Lan Wanji couldn't guess if Wei Wuxian was happy about his own achievement or the praise. The Nie and before that a few members of the Qishwen sect defying their leader's path, Wei Wuxian knew how to make friends with the strangest cultivators. If not for him the ties the gusulan sect had made the last months wouldn't even exist. They were mostly with little sects but Nie and Yungmenjiang got closer.

During his rogue months, Wei Wuxian was rarely alone. There was always an old or new friend with him. Lan Wangji balanced between jealousy for them and relief for their protection.

“Hey, let's travel a bit when you've finished your education. Just you and me,” Wei Wuxian said.

“En,” Lan Wangji nodded, excited at the prospect of travelling the world with Wei Wuxian. For once he'd be the young man travelling companion and not Wen Ning or anyone else.

"You received a stern scolding from your sect leader for 'hurting your future spouse's feelings yet again'," Lan Wangji remarked.

Wei Wuxian shrugged. He had never read the letters from Jiang Fengmian - he only read those of his shijie, crying at the first and asking Lan Wangji to write back in his name - and often time only Lan Qiren did before answering. Once Lan Wangji read through them and couldn't quite decide if Jiang Fengmian knew everything and thought the masquerade that let Wei Wuxian under the gusulan sect's care was better or if he believed into the betrothal.

"I'm sorry for hurting your feelings!" Wei Wuxian said, almost pouting but a smile on the corner of his lips. "I'm a terrible fiance, I don't deserve such a perfect man! Please, take the not good, very, very bad me!"

He threw himself into Lan Wangji's lap, fake-crying and waving his feet in the air.

Lan Wangji couldn't help smile. The stories about the both of them and their rocky betrothal were numerous. Girls were jealous, not understanding why Lan Wangji still wanted Wei Wuxian and boys stayed puzzled by the whole 'two men being engaged' without going further.

They could have stopped the decoy, declare they were separated for good and yet they keep going. Lan Wangji didn't want to leave Wei Wuxian free and risk someone else taking him. Besides, during Wei Wuxian last absence Lan Wangji thought on how to make a good marriage proposal. The fact that his uncle was getting tired of their play too pressed him further.

Lan Wangji had ideas, quite a few speeches prepared – with his brother and uncle's help – and yet...

"Maybe you should ask me this time."

Wei Wuxian rolled on his back and stared at him with a surprised expression for a moment. A grin stretched his lips and he made himself comfortable on Lan Wangji's lap.

“That's a good idea. Prepare yourself for the most extravagant proposal soon.”

The idea elicited quite a few images in Lan Wangji's head, but mostly his uncle and brother's reactions. Uncle would brush death with how many rules Wei Wuxian would break while Lan Xichen would be proud as a mother.

Lan Wangji lifted the corner of his lips in a soft smile only his family would recognise. Wei Wuxian kissed it away.

●

Outside of his uncle's classroom, Lan Wangji was stopped by Lan Ming who bowed to him and asked for Lan Wangji to follow him with such a serious expression Lan Wangji could only nod.

They walked toward the jingshi and before he could worry he heard Wei Wuxian's flute play the tune he had made for them both. The tender trees near the jingshi hide Wei Wuxian from Lan Wangji's sight and Lan Ming made him stop. Lan Chi arrived soon after with a redwood tray, a single cup on it. A little ticket near it explained it should have been alcohol but Lan Wangji's reaction to it would have ruined the moment. Wei Wuxian had sketched a little him sticking his tongue out on a corner.

Lan Wangji took it and tasted syrupy plum. He put back the cup and, at Lan Chi's direction, walked toward one of the three tree making a sort of canopy near the jingshi.

Rabbits with red collar hopped around the place at his surprise and then his eyes fell on eyes Wei Wuxian playing the flute. On his shoulder was a light coat in a deep red colour. Lan Wangji didn't approach, he sat in front of the scene on a bench near his bedroom. Wei Wuxian opened his eyes and smiled at him, ending the tune. He stood up, readjusted the coat on his shoulders and walked to him.

"I am pretty in red?" he asked with a coy smile. He put a hand on his hip and turned a bit on himself, showing off, "If you want me all in this colour, you'll have to wed me!"

"Is this your way to ask my hand in marriage?"

Wei Wuxian chuckled, closed the distance between them and held Lan Wangji's cheeks a moment then he crossed his hands behind Lan Wangji's neck and smiled in a tender way.

"Yup! And this is the true deal this time, not an act to hide me." He kissed Lan Wangji in a butterfly way. "You had my heart since I met you for the first time and yet you let me leave your side, again and again, always welcoming me back with this look in your eyes of pure adoration." Lan Wangji's hands clutched on Wei Wuxian's tighs, his heart beating faster. "I remember your letter," Wei Wuxian's said, touching above his heart before slipping his fingers under it and showing the corner. "I've visited most of the cultivational world and never found more happiness than when I come back to you. So, Lan Wangji, would you grow old with me?"

Something warm spread through Lan Wangji's body. His words failed him under the onslaught of emotions so he extended his hand and grabbed the sumptuous red coat to pull Wei Wuxian to him. The other stumbled though he managed to get on Lan Wangji's lap, circling his arms around his neck again and offering his smiling lips without any questions to be asked.

“No promiscuity in public in the Cloud Recesses!” came a shout from a few cuns away.

Lan Wangji huffed, put his hands under Wei Wuxian's thighs and stood up with the giggling young man to hide in the jingshi, away from his uncle prying eyes.

●

Lan Wangji returned from his surveillance of the Cloud Recesses. This night he had the last quarter to take care of and saw the disciples waking up, some reading aloud a few lessons while other went to their own chores of early morning.

Walking through the Lan quarter he sighed, already sick of Wei Wuxian's absence at his side. He wouldn't wake up before a few hours at least.

A scream made him change trajectory, heart beating fast, to get on the area in an instant. His first thought was that it was Wei Wuxian having a nightmare or a panic attack, but the voice was much deeper.

Someone left their room just in front of him and nearly collided with Lan Wangji.

“Brother, what-?”

His eyes caught sight of his brother coming from the facing corridor, his lips already curling in amusement.

"This- rascallion! It's Wei Wuxian's doing, I am certain!" Lan Qiren shouted, draping his upper robe quickly over his body and going toward the jingshi. "I will not let him go this time. No running nose and humid eyes can stop me. No more! Do you understand?"

Lan Wangji glanced at his shaved uncle then back at his brother, not knowing to who he talked. Lan Xichen had his lips firmly pinched together so he wouldn't laugh, Lan Wangji found himself ready to do so when they arrived at the jingshi.

Wei Wuxian saluted them all with a bit smile then invited them to take some tea with his guests. The people from the White Chrysanthemum pavilion he was friend with were present, enjoying tea and sweets. Lan Qiren's hanger was curbed instantly, he knew how an angry man made those people – mostly women – react.

The gasp of surprise from Madam Li and her reaction – putting her hand in front of her mouth and lower half of her face as she blushed heavily – finished to calm down Lan Qiren. Wei Wuxian stood and skipped around, giving his place next to the woman to Lan Qiren that he dragged him to.

Lan Xichen coughed as their uncle was sat down next to the blushing woman by an overexcited Wei Wuxian.

"You shaved uncle? It's a really good look for you, don't you think so Madam Li?"

Coughing again, Lan Xichen took his leave just as the woman nodded, meet Lan Qiren's eyes then blushed even more. Lan Wangji stood aghast by the whole situation until Wei Wuxian dragged him away.

“Aren't you-”

“Nope, we're not staying. The other will depart soon and let Madam Li alone with Lan Qiren,” Wei Wuxian said, a bright smile on his lips.

“You shaved him.”

Wei Wuxian draped his arms around Lan Wangji's neck, beaming at him, “I sure did!”

“He won't let you go to the Discussion Conference,” Lan Wangji said, embracing Wei Wuxian's waist. “He was really angry.”

For only answer, a grin stretched Wei Wuxian's mouth before he kissed him.

●

Wei Wuxian chuckled to himself as he played with Lan Wangji's ribbon that he had stolen earlier during the archery contest. Leaving the arena, he waved at Wen Ning and skipped toward him to assure himself he had done inside. A few members of the Yunmengjiang's sect approached awkwardly. All had been more than surprised when Wei Wuxian came and took the place of one of them – or more accurately he went inside the arena and let them sort the places between themselves.

“Ah, young master Lan is coming, young master Wei,” Wen Ning said.

Wei Wuxian's smile grew bigger as he looked where Wen Ning's eyes went. Lan Wangji approached, slow and beautiful like the image of an immortal no mortal should be deigned worthy to witness.

Wei Wuxian sighed and got out of his mind when Wen Ning giggled and told him he was leaving him to his ex and re-fiance. The Yunmengjiang's disciples swarmed him, but Lan Wangji extended his hand and drew him away, their fingers interlaced with the ribbon.

They walked away but were soon caught by Lan Xichen, all the other Gusulan disciples and Lan Qiren. Wei Wuxian didn't hesitate on following them to their assigned quarters for the week. He didn't even think about joining the Yunmengjiang sect.

“Uncle, uncle, did I do great today? Are you proud of me?” Wei Wuxian asked Lan Qiren teasingly.

“I am,” Lan Qiren said, patting his head with the hint of a smile. “You are brilliant Wei Wuxian.”

Lan Wangji had to embrace his waist and pull him along as he walked because Wei Wuxian was dumbstruck. He never asked Jiang Fengmian a few years earlier, worried that Jiang Cheng would become jealous, so the praise from an adult surprised him. Wei Wuxian had been sure Lan Qiren would roll his eyes at him and stay silent.

A kiss on his temple brought him back on the mortal ground, "You're good."

Warmth in his heart made Wei Wuxian grin widely. He was going to kiss Lan Wangji – even though his uncle was there to scold him just after – when he noticed the purple robes of the Yunmenjiang's sect. He knew their quarters were near the other sect but he had hoped to avoid everyone in purple.

"Xianxian!" Jiang Yanli called. It caught Wei Wuxian's attention since the young woman rarely left Lotus Pier. She stood among the sect disciples and her father but walked toward them with a warm smile. Wei Wuxian closed the distance after his surprise – staying near Lan Wangji – and embraced her. "I missed you."

The other people around saluted each other in a proper manner. Lan Qiren frowning at Wei Wuxian but not scolding him yet for not saluting his sibling-disciples and his sect leader correctly.

“Yeah, me too. Did you come here to see me only?”

Jiang Yanli giggled and shook her head, “As the next sect leader I have to learn everything.”

“Uh, what?” Wei Wuxian asked, dumbfounded by the new. Jiang Yanli had never been raised to be a sect leader and she had never been sad about it.

"Didn't you read my letters?" Jiang Fengmian asked, a frown growing on his feature.

“No, he does not,” Lan Qiren answered.

Jiang Fengmian looked at Lan Qiren with anger and his hand flew to the hilt of his sword, “Do you _dare_ keep his courier from him?"

Wei Wuxian whistled, wiggled out of Jiang Yanli's grip and slid in front of Lan Qiren and Jiang Fengmian. He saluted his elder correctly and smiled at him.

“I demanded not to be informed of the sect's actions or events if they did not concern me directly, uncle. ” Wei Wuxian said. He looked up at the man and fidgeted, there was too much Jiang Cheng in him when he frowned, even though people said Jiang Cheng looked more like his mother. “All the letters from Jiang Yanli or other friends come directly to me, I assure you.”

“We talked about all my recipes!” Jiang Yanli chirped. “He said he was sick of the gusulan food. We also talked about love.”

Wei Wuxian grinned at her, the mess with Jin Zixuan made more sense now. He had never understood why she couldn't simply go to the Jinling sect if they married (now that they wanted to get married anew). Though, that Jiang Yanli followed her father around to learn to be a leader explained how she met Jin Zixuan again.

"Wow, it does sounds mean like that. Ahah, I never realised it made it sounds like I didn't want to be involved with the Jiang sect anymore and that I wasn't grateful for everything. I don't have any rancour against you. You did so much-"

“You could,” Jiang Fengmian cut him. “You-... can I talk to you a moment? Since you didn't read my letters.”

Wei Wuxian wrung his hands, hesitating. He looked back at Lan Wangji and saw Jiang Yanli nod too. He followed Jiang Fengmian a bit farther, amused that all the Lan were looking at the two of them intently and ignored the Yungmengjiang's disciples.

“Where's Jiang Cheng?” Wei Wuxian asked before the man could talk. Jiang Fengmian seemed struck out of his thoughts and had to go to another subject than he planned. Wei Wuxian pulled on a strand of hair framing his face, “I just-...”

"With his mother. So you really didn't have any news from the sect?"

Wei Wuxian shrugged, "I know about vague stuff. Like I knew he went with her to his grandparents' place, but I thought he came back."

Jiang Fengmian shook his head, “No, I couldn't bear to have him under my eyes after what Lan Qiren told me. Jiang Yanli is my heir now.”

Wei Wuxian stared at the man who had been like a father for him, even though he applied himself to put distance between him and Jiang Fengmian so Jiang Cheng wouldn't be jealous and Madam Yu wouldn't hate him.

"But-... she never-" Wei Wuxian never finished his sentence. That Jiang Yanli could be his heir never crossed Jiang Fengmian's mind before then wouldn't be something relevant today. She was his heir and her low cultivation or her meek temper must have been taken into consideration by the man. At least, Madam Yu must be happy to have one of her kid be the next sect leader.

“Wei Ying.” The name still made Wei Wuxian tense, but he relaxed quickly. “I apologise for being blind for so long. I-... wanted Jiang Cheng to be happy and let him love who he wanted unlike what did my father. By putting his feelings above else, I failed to recognise yours and the situation he had put you in.”

Wei Wuxian smiled and nodded, "I understand and don't hold any grunge. I pardoned you."

Jiang Fendmian pursued his lips and looked hurt as he put a hand on Wei Wuxian's shoulder, “When I took you in, I never intended for you to be treated so badly by my wife and my son.”

“But I'm a servent's son-”

"You're a free man's son and an exceptional cultivator was your mother. You are an even brilliant cultivator and I wanted to raise you as my son, not a servant or-" Jiang Fengmian cut himself and pinched his lips, making Wei Wuxian uneasy. "Wei Wuxian, there's a lot of rumours about you and your engagement. I know your history makes it hard to believe, but you can trust this young Second Lan Master to take care of you. Stop it, I know you are testing him and his loyalty, but it must hurt him when you run away while accusing him of all those unimportant things. If you do not like him, well then, Lotus Pier is still your home."

Wei Wuxian couldn't help the stifled laugh that escaped his pressed lips. Jiang Fengmian backed away, frowning as Wei Wuxian waved a hand in front of his face.

“Ah, uncle! Can I hug you?”

The man blinked then nodded. He embraced Wei Wuxian when he hugged him, squeezing gently and running his hand up an down his back. Automatically he glanced at Lan Wangji to be assured of his presence, he saw him giving attention to Jiang Yanli and then going in a corner with her too. The Yunmeng disciples all grimaced. Wei Wuxian gave back his attention to the adult.

“It was all fake to keep me at the Cloud Recesses,” Wei Wuxian murmured to his uncle, feeling him stiffen in the embrace. “Though, I asked Lan Wangji to marry me a few weeks ago for real this time.”

Jiang Fengmian drew away and held his shoulders, looking nonplussed, "I... " He coughed. "I see my conversations with Lan Qiren in a new light." He coughed again, glancing away then at Wei Wuxian. "I guess I should have known after the rumour you got in a fight with the young man because he didn't write you one hundred poems."

Wei Wuxian chuckled, "He made me a song so I forgave him!"

The man's eyes twitched, he looked doubtful, “Playing tricks again. I'm not accustomed to it anymore.” He shook his head. “Did he accept?”

From looking at Lan Wangji – who stared back – Wei Wuxian glanced at Jiang Fengmian, “Accept what? Who?”

A sigh left the man as he shook his head, “Did Lan Wangji accept your marriage proposal? The real one?”

“Yes!” Wei Wuxian answered excitedly.

"So if I'm talking to set a date for the wedding with Lan Qiren, this one will hold? And I'll finally be able to see one of my kid married?"

“Yes!” Wei Wuxian chirped, jumping up and down on the sole of his feet. “I'm getting married for sure!”

The smile Jiang Fengmian gave him made his heart swell with happiness.

"Good." He caressed Wei Wuxian's head. "Then let's find about a good date. For the last time. Ah, I see Jiang Yanli decided to talk to Lan Wangji." He leaned toward Wei Wuxian and murmured. "She discovered a scary protective side inside herself, I have fewer doubts than ever that she will be a good sect leader."

The disciples in purple shuffled and murmured, glancing a few time at the duo who came back. Wei Wuxian took Lan Wangji's hand, receiving a squeeze but Lan Xichen caught their attention.

“You look pale, Wangji. ”

"Mn," he answered dismissively.

Jiang Fengmian coughed to hide a laugh, the smile on his lips catching Wei Wuxian's curiosity and then he gave back his focus to Lan Qiren to whom he talked too. Wei Wuxiann glanced at Jiang Yanli who tilted her head to the side and smiled too.

“What happened?” Lan Xichen asked, his voice becoming colder.

"Ah? I only exchanged friendly bits of advice with Lan Wangji," Jiang Yanli said, caressing Wei Wuxian's cheek then glancing back at Lan Xichen. The disciples in purple stilled their own laughter. "A few pieces of advice on how to keep XianXian happy. That's something we share."

Wei Wuxian glanced back and forth between the two older siblings until Lan Xichen bowed slightly his head with a smile, “We do.”

Jiang Yanli announced that she regained her sect's quarter and the disciples followed after her, letting Jiang Fengmian talk to Lan Qiren about the wedding – which uninterested most of them.

"Whoa, scary," one of the Gusulan disciples said.

“I hope Jiang Cheng had to deal with this scary side too,” another murmured.

“What? Jiang Yanli?” Wei Wuxian asked, confused. “She's not scary.”

“The bear isn't frightening to her cub,” Lan Xichen commented with a warm smile, patting Wei Wuxian's head before heading to search for his sworn brothers.

Confused, Wei Wuxian met Lan Wangji's eyes, “My shijie is scary?”

He nodded.

●

In the early morning, Lan Wangji would write a few sentences resuming his previous day in an attempt to point where to improve himself and also to show gratitude to the heavens for what he had.

This morning, he continued into writing how thankful for the word 'husband' into Wei Wuxian's mouth. The stores lifted a little bit under a cold wind, hint of an approaching colder season. Lan Wangji glanced at the sleeping form of Wei Wuxian before returning to his writings.

Husband, Wei Wuxian said with a smile the day of their wedding, the first time ever. Husband, with a smile on his lips. Husband. Biting those lips. Husband, I'm sleepy, he would say before using his lap as a pillow. Or even 'feed me, husband' and then open his mouth in a waiting manner. A kiss, husband. And his favourite: 'Good night, husband' whispered in his ear each night.

The words seemed to be anchored into Wei Wuxian's mouth now. Lan Wangji always felt a fuzzy and warm feeling hearing it.

Someone's feet dragged on the ground then Wei Wuxian flopped on the ground behind him, adjusted the blanket over his shoulders and then hugged him. The young man put his head on Lan Wangji's shoulder, radiating warmth. He yawned, his head lolling until Wei Wuxian's nose was nestled in Lan Wangji's crook of the neck.

“Good morning husband,” he whispered, kissing his neck. “Bah, Lan Zhan, your neck 's so cold! Let me warm you up.” He kissed him behind the ear, making Lan Wangji hum in pleasure, yet he didn't go further. “Woah, what are you writing? Who's this person calling you husband like it's your name? How are they like?”

Lan Wangji was amused at the antic, he caressed the hands wrapped around his middle and played too.

“He is handsome.”

“My husband is handsome too,” Wei Wuxian hummed near Lan Wangji's ear.

“He is strong.”

“Hum, mine too,” Wei Wuxian purred, his hands getting into the parts of his robe on his chest.

“His music is a pleasure,” Lan Wangji added, leaning into the embrace, his heart beating faster as Wei Wuxian's hand splayed on his skin.

Wei Wuxian nibbled on the shell of his ear then blew on it as his fingers pinched one of his nipples, "Did we marry the same man, Lan Zhan?"

Lan Wangji tilted his head to the side and found Wei Wuxian's lips. He swallowed the chuckle coming from him and draped his arm around his shoulders before falling to the ground, taking Wei Wuxian in the fall. The other caught his fall by holding himself on his forearms, but he didn't take long to lean down and press back his mouth on Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian broke the kiss to look him in the eyes.

“I want you inside of me, husband.”

Lan Wangji's heart missed a beat before it ran faster in his chest. He licked his lips, excitation coursing through him.

“Sure?”

Wei Wuxian moved so he sat on Lan Wangji's hips while kissing the side of his neck.

“With you, always.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> didn't I tell you to never trust the chapter count until the story was finished? :D eheh  
> hope the end isn't too bad (i hate end most of all).  
> Tell me what you thought of the fic! I love knowing how readers react! :D

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [mysterious feathers have no envy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16357121) by [Naorimasa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naorimasa/pseuds/Naorimasa)




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